RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 05-01-05, 11:14 PM   #1
Mentalz
The Topical Juggernaut
 
Mentalz's Avatar
 
Posts: 885
Joined: May 2003
From: The Write Side of The Brain
Status: Offline
Text Record: 6-3
Death's Lust

IP: D35B 3F85

Deaths Lust

And as the night screams, and the light weens..
This young mans dreams erupt into a fight scene
And as the moon cries to distract eye's..
His hand lets loose as three or more knives fly

But he cant sway at all or let his mind fade
Needs to consentrate to lower the crime rate
So he snaps back to set traps on track's back
As he maintains process and prepares & acts glad

Infact he's sad but would never admit it at all
Just as soon walk himself right through a brick wall
Percistance and chance swell to dance in romance
As he catches the train's prance in one quick glance

And as the smoke crests and all the billows smolder
His heart grows colder cos' he knows its all over
Rage fills and spills on hills crimson with blood
As he remembers the thrills from kills soiled in mud


Snapping back to reality the formality all dies
As the rumbling train echo's in night's dark sky..
Rolling over; nearly consumed by the freights weight
He escapes fate & waits till he's filled w/ straight hate
His murderous methods beckon the very second..
Electricity's tweekin his brain waves..
He might be insane and deranged..
But he still remains, cold and unchanged.


This topical is about a man bent between killing himself and living to kill.. read the lines carefully before you reply you dont understand or think that it falls off at any one place, or that I drift off subject. This is a recycled piece I dropped in august 04'. But it was the latest thing I had and never got much feedback before I left for a 6 month deployment. Peace.
__________________
Blow It - Topical

-=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate

The unexamined life is not worth living.
Send a message via AIM to Mentalz   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-05, 11:16 PM   #2
Mentalz
The Topical Juggernaut
 
Mentalz's Avatar
 
Posts: 885
Joined: May 2003
From: The Write Side of The Brain
Status: Offline
Text Record: 6-3
IP: D35B 3F85

__________________
Blow It - Topical

-=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate

The unexamined life is not worth living.
Send a message via AIM to Mentalz   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-05, 08:43 PM   #3
Mentalz
The Topical Juggernaut
 
Mentalz's Avatar
 
Posts: 885
Joined: May 2003
From: The Write Side of The Brain
Status: Offline
Text Record: 6-3
IP: 390E 75F8

Uppin the piece
__________________
Blow It - Topical

-=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate

The unexamined life is not worth living.
Send a message via AIM to Mentalz   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-05, 03:15 PM   #4
Mentalz
The Topical Juggernaut
 
Mentalz's Avatar
 
Posts: 885
Joined: May 2003
From: The Write Side of The Brain
Status: Offline
Text Record: 6-3
IP: 130F 733F

Puttin the verse at the top of 'neglect.'
__________________
Blow It - Topical

-=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate

The unexamined life is not worth living.
Send a message via AIM to Mentalz   Reply With Quote
Old 05-03-05, 03:24 PM   #5
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
Kawn Flixx's Avatar
 
Posts: 11,115
Joined: Aug 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 70-13
IP: 0825 899A

This was an iight peice.. it could have been alot better
I felt that you werent really grasping the concept very well , you were
talking about several different things.. You had some nice comparisions
Okay wordplay , and pretty decent vocab , Structure was good
Alittle short but good, This had alot of feeling it , and
Nice emotions , really wasnt fitting the topic, but it was a good drop
Had nice imagery too... really good peice.. next time try to
stay on the topic , and now talk about other stuff..
Overall keep it up , and hope to see another drop from you soon
__________________
The Competition


Send a message via AIM to Kawn Flixx Send a message via MSN to Kawn Flixx   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:48 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.