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05-01-05, 11:14 PM | #1 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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Death's Lust
IP: D35B 3F85
Deaths Lust And as the night screams, and the light weens.. This young mans dreams erupt into a fight scene And as the moon cries to distract eye's.. His hand lets loose as three or more knives fly But he cant sway at all or let his mind fade Needs to consentrate to lower the crime rate So he snaps back to set traps on track's back As he maintains process and prepares & acts glad Infact he's sad but would never admit it at all Just as soon walk himself right through a brick wall Percistance and chance swell to dance in romance As he catches the train's prance in one quick glance And as the smoke crests and all the billows smolder His heart grows colder cos' he knows its all over Rage fills and spills on hills crimson with blood As he remembers the thrills from kills soiled in mud Snapping back to reality the formality all dies As the rumbling train echo's in night's dark sky.. Rolling over; nearly consumed by the freights weight He escapes fate & waits till he's filled w/ straight hate His murderous methods beckon the very second.. Electricity's tweekin his brain waves.. He might be insane and deranged.. But he still remains, cold and unchanged. This topical is about a man bent between killing himself and living to kill.. read the lines carefully before you reply you dont understand or think that it falls off at any one place, or that I drift off subject. This is a recycled piece I dropped in august 04'. But it was the latest thing I had and never got much feedback before I left for a 6 month deployment. Peace.
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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05-01-05, 11:16 PM | #2 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: D35B 3F85
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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05-02-05, 08:43 PM | #3 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: 390E 75F8
Uppin the piece
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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05-03-05, 03:15 PM | #4 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: 130F 733F
Puttin the verse at the top of 'neglect.'
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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05-03-05, 03:24 PM | #5 | ||||
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IP: 0825 899A
This was an iight peice.. it could have been alot better
I felt that you werent really grasping the concept very well , you were talking about several different things.. You had some nice comparisions Okay wordplay , and pretty decent vocab , Structure was good Alittle short but good, This had alot of feeling it , and Nice emotions , really wasnt fitting the topic, but it was a good drop Had nice imagery too... really good peice.. next time try to stay on the topic , and now talk about other stuff.. Overall keep it up , and hope to see another drop from you soon
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The Competition
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