Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
01-15-04, 08:55 PM | #1 | ||||
I Used To Pray
|
corrupted visions: concrete angle
IP: 6236 079F
Concrete Angel
The distractions, the abstraction of the illness in her attraction inaction in the still eyes with no interaction of lifes transaction dad was jus an alcoholics, and as they fight and frolic she dreams of paradise, and wished her life was symbolic but she had no life, she lived because they owned dull knifes she was 13, and her loved mom wasnt her fathers wife She died when she was 10, and step mom wasnt all there classic tale of cinderella, but she didnt have long blode hair since were on the subject, she didnt have many things she clings on to what she owns, her back yard swing... ................................and her broken matress springs the prizes her mama brings, when she comes down on her wings a few apron strings worn by her mother, and a book she used to sing thats all she will ever own, scence the forshadowing coming the beats drumming, the grand finale is the body numbing its something, how her life was ment to be nothing god planned it to be lugging and it basicly sucking she lived as long as she couled, as long as she wouled as long as she was suposed to live, along in the no good ...................................then the end was new or was it, basicly how every sad story end grew from depression to death, how every stone holds how every pebble folds, how every structure molds from a little girl, carrying herself, everyday wearing the same dress living the same fears, now shes just a concrete angel, formed from less the death night, the dreded light, her dad passed out, her step mom has a knife tired payin for this kid, who doesnt help out one bit, to make the move to take a life to make things right, 1 slash of the wrist just wasnt enough, child strugglin for air strugglin or life, thrown in the bathtub not to make a mess, her father doesnt care pullin at her hair, step mom wondering if shes dead yet, still no breaths? the beats from the heart go dim like a light, then gone, nothing left remember this girl....................... from depression to death, how every stone holds how every pebble folds, how every structure molds from a little girl, carrying herself, everyday wearing the same dress living the same fears, now shes just a concrete angel, formed from less
__________________
Corrupted Visions |
||||
01-15-04, 09:07 PM | #2 | |||
A King Missing a Queen...
|
IP: 8D7B 43DF
This was a great write. I loved the imagery and reality of this. You painted a picture with this. I loved the world play and the vocab usage. Some of the flow was hard to get, so maybe make it a little easier on points. You know what I mean... But I really did enjoy this. I even read it during my computer class... LOL, thats right now. Good job hommie, I enjoy reading your writes. Keep it up...
( Please return the favor and peep the open mic drop in my sig, would be appriciated )
__________________
Sig created by "Tha Sick One..." CRHYME SINDICATE Open Mic Drops -Defying The Odds- Higher Thinking League Record 2-0 High Class vs Tweety ( semifinals match) |
|||
01-15-04, 10:06 PM | #3 | ||||
I Used To Pray
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
thanx man, still uppin
__________________
Corrupted Visions |
||||
01-15-04, 10:09 PM | #4 | |||
A King Missing a Queen...
|
IP: 8D7B 43DF
Be sure to return the favor hommie,
UPPIN
__________________
Sig created by "Tha Sick One..." CRHYME SINDICATE Open Mic Drops -Defying The Odds- Higher Thinking League Record 2-0 High Class vs Tweety ( semifinals match) |
|||
01-15-04, 10:10 PM | #5 | ||||
I Used To Pray
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
lol i did man
__________________
Corrupted Visions |
||||
01-15-04, 10:12 PM | #6 | ||||
That's Right...I'm White
|
IP: E7E2 6F94
Nice drop, Like high said, had good imagenary, The rhyming was very good too, The flow was excellent, and the vocab was very very good, I liked this alot, very nice drop very well done, keep it up,
If ya wouldn't mind could you take a look at my latest called The World Today, the link is in my sig, it's being mad slept on, i would appreciate it, thanks peace |
||||
01-15-04, 10:13 PM | #7 | ||||
I Used To Pray
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
sure thing my man, is this legends good? lol jus kidden
__________________
Corrupted Visions |
||||
01-15-04, 10:18 PM | #8 | |||
A King Missing a Queen...
|
IP: 8D7B 43DF
Shit, im ganna nominate it to see how this turns out. Cause this was a very nice write. And all of them people hat decide on it, love imagery to death... aight hommie.. be sure to peep that tommorow to see how you turn out...
__________________
Sig created by "Tha Sick One..." CRHYME SINDICATE Open Mic Drops -Defying The Odds- Higher Thinking League Record 2-0 High Class vs Tweety ( semifinals match) |
|||
01-15-04, 10:26 PM | #9 | ||||
I Used To Pray
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
lol sweet ass, im a nominee weeeeeeeeeeeee
__________________
Corrupted Visions |
||||
01-15-04, 11:22 PM | #10 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: A1D0 A113
yo Topic Man another Nice Piece enjoyed the read.......ya kinder changed ya Style a bit and i THink It works betta.....ya Flow has Improved And has made it easier to read...i think this was a real nice Piece you have done here man Keep it Droping...PeacE...
|
||||||
01-16-04, 01:50 AM | #11 | |||||||
Flyweight
|
IP: 3940 2ECC
yo, this was a hell of a drop, shit, the best one i read all day. you got a lot to expand and with this drop, you be gettn wider and wider.
|
|||||||
01-16-04, 09:22 AM | #12 | ||||
Banned: Spamming
|
IP: 399E F0FD
..very nice piece..great imagery...great content..good flow..everything was in it's place..good job..peace..
|
||||
01-16-04, 04:39 PM | #13 | ||||
I Used To Pray
|
IP: C1DA C961
thanx everyone
__________________
Corrupted Visions |
||||
01-16-04, 06:14 PM | #14 | ||||
I Used To Pray
|
IP: C1DA C961
uppin for some feedback for the last time
__________________
Corrupted Visions |
||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|