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Old 05-29-05, 02:16 PM   #1
Mentalz
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Text Record: 6-3
Torn Apart (Topical)

IP: D35B 3F85

Vows, God’s Cement ta’ Humanity…
War, The neva’ Ending Struggle of Sanity
This Man…He was Caught up in both, but Actually…
Just down the Road he’d be Tripped up in Tragedy…
Newly Weds, Fresh Love…It’s Mostly In Truth
…but, Sometimes You Get some False in it Too.

**Holding a Picture of She**
“I neva’ Thought it would come down ta’ this…
Truthfully, I always thought Id be Bound ta’ this…
…I gotta go Though, Love, I’ll be back when I can
When you were Cold… I’d Gently start Rubbin’ ya’ Hands
Don’t Forget what we have… I think it’s all I’ll Remember
We’re bound ta’ Eachotha’ like Metallic Cells to a Sinner…”

Off in the Jungles… Wars Heat Hot Like a Kettle
Explosions so Potent it’s hard not ta’ get Shredded by Metal
He fought day an’ night… Barely Able to Go On
Her 2x2 the only thing Helpin’ him Stay Strong
He wrote Off an On; it Always Varied in Phrases…
He’d Write about Battle, or tell Her of the So many Faces
Places… he wished he was Someplace else altogether
Till one night he was wounded… Dieing ...He wrote his last Letter:

**Raining**
Dear Love’ here comes my last letta’…
It seems to me this fuckin’ War will neva’ let up…
**Bomb Flashes – Gun Shots**
In case I neva’ told ya’, I love ya’, don’t let this news bring ya Pain
Before I met you I was just a Dusty Crop…you brought the Rain
Inside your Soul I’ll Remain, I await--

**Shouting**
Wounded and Hurt with Sharp Shards in his Stomach…
He hear’s his Troops Cries just up Over the Summit
The Line Wont Hold, it looks like all is Lost…
Slowly he puts in his Mind why he Fought, To what Cost
As Death Breaks Loose and Topples over in Herds
He realized his Love’ will neva’ hear his last Words
‘Could Care Less about his Life…this Moment…what he could See
All he wanted was ta’ share Eternity with his Meant-to-be…

Meanwhile he’s being Showered in Sparks
…Slowly The Grim Reaper Appears in the Dark
Delirious, he Begins ta’ Mumble in Starts
“…I often Wonder who it was that said War was Art…
I bet he neva’ had his fuckin’ Heart Torn Apart…”
.
.
News Finally Reached Her but she never even Summoned a Preacher
Excited and Jumping she could barely Manage her Features
Men all around, they follow her everywhere like Glue
Always talking about how they wanted some of the pay-off she Grew
…See, He was Rich and went to War for his Country
She Married him Solely Because he had Money…

Alone with Herself…She Slowly Slid off her Ring
Clutched it in Hand and Tossed it Down in the Sink
She had waited to long, She was Just Born in a Park...
And So Silently, She Murmured
.
.
“Finally…Torn Apart”





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Old 05-29-05, 03:37 PM   #2
Young Montana
"Fuck Wit Me, Then You Fuckin Wit Tha Best"
 
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i like that peice Mentalz, while you were telling the storie, images came to me and i could actually sense what was going on and that was good, structure was good, vocab good, and the overall story was good yo......keep it up son
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Old 05-29-05, 04:04 PM   #3
Mentalz
The Topical Juggernaut
 
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Thanks for the feedback Blac-out. I appreciate it.
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Old 05-31-05, 07:18 PM   #4
Mentalz
The Topical Juggernaut
 
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Text Record: 6-3
IP: D35B 3F85

Uppin the piece.
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