http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204113
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204135

9/10...AMAZING...great imagery, great flow and great vocab...hook was simple but effective at the same time...I was really feelin this...if there was another verse itd be 10/10...keep it up

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www.soundclick.com/dollaback

Thanx dawg thats the best feed ive had back

I was feelin this.

You've got imagery down pretty nice, cos I had to read through it twice to really get it. Vocab was alright, and i'll give you credit for pretty good diction. The flow reminded me a bit more of poetry than rap... Looks like you need to shorten the lines a bit to get it to flow like a track would, cos I saw the changing rhyme schemes and shit you used for flow so the length was the only thing wrong with the flow. Also maybe a few multis here and there to quicken it up a bit, but they're not necessary.

Your metaphors seemed a bit simple to me.. If you're gonna put wordplay in a verse like this, it needs to be a bit more complex so it complements the other stuff. If you know what I mean. I might just be talking crap... I do that often.

But anyway, other than those minor problems it was dope.

7/10 (thats good... im a hard marker )

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this was nice....a deep drop...i sensed some emotion in there too....the hook was good.....keep elevating as far as vocab goes but flow was on point and you had nice structure....keep it up

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nice drop feelin it but expand ya vocab and work on ya emotion liked this it was good drop 8/10 good first try keep up!

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OYD MAFIA

wot this piece mite be up for HOF????

That would be nice lol

Thanx for all the feedback!!!!

Aight...

Nice concept you used here, it was insightful and interesting to read for a change. The imagery was pretty good, you used clear pictures to express certain ideas. You had some grammatical errors in there that annoyed me but I'm just bitching lolz. The emotion was raw, portraying a global situation and giving enough details about it. The vocabulary was on point, a bit complexity might be added but overall there was a good balance between basic and complex. The entire piece had a poetic feel to it, the flow might be better though, some lines felt stretched, multis would've been a nice add-on.

Solid work fam

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lets brake it down..........

okay.........

verse1this wasvey motional, deep lyrics,could flow better....but thats cauze there was long lines so gd job........structure was gd....not any bad

hook:suit well with ur verses......

verse2:ecretty same kind of verse like was mads....maybe better flow.....but those both were gd...................

overal:very gd drop 9/10

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extremely short..... imagery was cool i feel to make ur stuff more interestin try makin ur rhymes more complex n also ur first verse i noticed alot of it didnt rhyme.. was dis intentional????.. hook is cool.. but not structured like a hook should be*shakes head at E.C* u shud kno better fooooool ye not bad but needs to be more to read cos wasnt really alot to pick up on... keep it up

this was good for ur first open mic..........i feel u have a good imagention...ur hook was good....an structure on point.....i like this verse it was pretty deep.......8.5/10....keep it up Famz.....

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Thanx for the feed
uppin........