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08-15-04, 03:56 PM | #1 | ||
atlas the vagabond
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In you
IP:
in art class when i was in in school suspension, my art teacher gave me a painting to look at. It was a old black man, sitting on a park bench, with a weathered, sad expression on his face, and i beleive a beer in his hand. it inspired me to write this.
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1499139 magically// tragedy and poverty's intertwined in a contrast tapestry// contrast to happy it has to be// after weeks// of unfortunate happenings// still have the seeds of sinful acts to reap// broken soul and home that's candle lit and bleak// interwoven to surprise// immortally moist eyes// cascading with grief// emitting a small cry for the weak// so easy to me// to continue an endless cycle of self pity for loss of the dreams// that keep me from crossin it seems// this line thin as string// my life's wide as a hair and it's losing it's lenghth// with each use of a drink// to lesson self abuse when i think// about how life's through in a blink// sometimes we're all on the brink// sometimes i wish 'good' was a pool that i could fall in and sink// Last edited by Maku JaiiLiin : 08-15-04 at 04:04 PM. |
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08-15-04, 04:06 PM | #2 | ||
~Mr. Punch-Lines~
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IP:
it had the vocab flow but your punches were wack
vocab: 7/10 flow: 6/10 punches: 3/10 ovverall 5/10 it was alright now the greatest |
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08-15-04, 04:07 PM | #3 | ||
atlas the vagabond
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IP:
it's not a battle verse, buddy. So it's not meant to have punches.
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08-15-04, 04:33 PM | #4 | |
Banned: Biting
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IP:
Not to bad but I wasnt feelin the beat. Still some nice flowin and you could really see the picture in your head.
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08-15-04, 05:06 PM | #5 | |
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IP:
You need to elevate you also need to obey rules
Read the rule about link's. if you want this open mic to stay open.
__________________
S-Own Squod RB Text Tourney Finalist Orginal Relaunched Member. Password Aka The Masked 2nd Moderator on Rapverse Ever Not quite legendary yet.... |
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08-16-04, 05:47 PM | #6 | ||
atlas the vagabond
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IP:
i don't understand what the problem is, i read through the open mic rules, and i put a link there, what'd i do wrong?
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