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Old 08-01-05, 10:30 PM   #1
taz
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From: Quincy
Exclamation multi mania

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Picken up were i left off bein crazy like laura croft
Being lean mean big and serene i cant be caught
Just like i was taught bang u out in a parking lot
Give you disturbing thoughts end up wit blood clots
Learned in the Marine ops Specialized cop Bein taken to the top
Of the parking garage this aint no mirage im here to sabotage
dressed in camouflage ready to barrage then give u a lavage
Taken your organs cleaned them crystal shiney
Got them feelin nice and soft just like ya mommas hiney
Gone to serious to deleriuos features
went from best seats in the house to nose bleed bleachers
............
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Old 08-01-05, 10:35 PM   #2
taz
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Old 08-01-05, 11:34 PM   #3
taz
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uppin leave some feeedback please
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Old 08-01-05, 11:55 PM   #4
Wicked One
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Hmmm...decent concept and topic here....Vocab was aight, wasnt really seein too much...Structure was good n all easy to read n shit like that...Could use better wordplay and words...And pretty much i would elevate alot manye...Also Make it longer for now on...overall- 4/10...Its cool dont worry hopefully you'll elevate and get better n all that...
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Old 08-02-05, 12:20 AM   #5
taz
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tthanks man apreeciate it a lot....still lookin fo rmore
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Old 08-02-05, 12:34 AM   #6
Kawn Flixx
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Link doesnt work fix it or this will be closed
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Old 08-03-05, 12:36 PM   #7
taz
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Old 08-03-05, 01:33 PM   #8
taz
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uppin for more feed....
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Old 08-03-05, 01:39 PM   #9
DQ
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Concept was coo, ya got potential though because I can see your flow is on point already. Vocab can be improved as well as wordplay but it was already decent you know. Not really an emotional or imagery piece so can't really comment on that. Keep it up!!!
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Old 08-03-05, 03:17 PM   #10
Artik Phrost
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Since It Was Multi Mania...i guess yu were going for multis??....

If thats the fact...heres my break down:

go for more than one word end rhymes....try to make two words Rhyme at the end....and, go for multi syllable rhymes....i seen yu do some of it...but, other parts had one syllable rhymes......if yu work on that, yu'll be str8 in multis
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Old 08-03-05, 03:22 PM   #11
taz
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thanks man appreciate all feedback a lot thanks fam......still looking for more****please
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Old 08-03-05, 07:02 PM   #13
taz
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apreciate it^^^ still looking for more
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Old 08-03-05, 08:45 PM   #14
wyteknyte
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good shit....flow was good....vocab was ight....structure was pretty good....kinda short...but was good....keep writin and progressin....u got sum potential....
$$izno shady$$
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Old 08-03-05, 08:51 PM   #15
taz
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yo main id return the favor on ur om's but u dont have any...but feedback is much welcomed....keep it comen
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