RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 08-26-05, 09:33 PM   #1
NaRc-UzI
GeNeRaL
 
Posts: 857
From: bronx
When Im Gone

IP:

When Im Gone Will Any body Care Will Anybody Cry
Will They Be Happy Or Will they Wish I Was Still Alive
When Im Gone Will I Go To Heaven Or Will I Go To Hell
I Dont Know That Well So Its Only Time That Can Tell

............Thoughts of Dead Soul..............

When I feel the Impact of the Death Trap my Fams gonna be in Black
Infact they will React with Deep Emotions but they gonna stay Intact
They Hard like Crack Strong like a Travelers Back so I aint Worried
Some cries are Acts so i should face the Facts and see after Im Buried
Whos gonna Miss me who will be the ones to Diss me ill find out Soon
Who will look at my picture and Kiss me and who will enjoy my Doom
Will my Close Friends pour some Liqour In my Mind i Picture the Event
Will i be sent to Heaven Or is ur death Ultiimatly Meant to be The End
I hope Not cuz i Dont want to Rot and have my Spot just be Forgoten
I Lived My Plot and i Hope That my Actions were good For Something
Looking at Family Living Happily It Rapidly brings Comfort To My Heart
Hell cant Handle Me so My Insanity Starts cuz my Fams is so Far Apart
Felling So Lonley Need somebody to Hold Me Deaths Lonley who Knew
Then I hear somebody Call me I was like Grandpa its nice to See You

...........Soul Rests In Peace.....................

When Im GoneWill Any body Care Will Anybody Cry
Will They Be Happy Or Will they Wish I Was Still Alive
When Im Gone Will I Go To Heaven Or Will I Go To Hell
I Dont Know That Well So Its Only Time That Can Tell
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-05, 09:38 PM   #2
NaRc-UzI
GeNeRaL
 
Posts: 857
From: bronx
IP:

  Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-05, 10:17 PM   #3
NaRc-UzI
GeNeRaL
 
Posts: 857
From: bronx
IP:

Uppin for Some Honest Feed
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-05, 10:31 PM   #4
Dickard.
A Life Of Chryme
 
Posts: 5,019
From: Boston
IP:

this right here was a solid drop!.....i felt tha concept...but ya lines was a tad bit stretched....flow was tight....mulits was good up on ya vocab a bit other than that ur pretty much good ta go 8/10 keep it up and rtf on my o/m's
__________________
A LIFE OF CHRYME
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-05, 10:42 PM   #5
Germ
in your system
 
Posts: 7,619
From: Adanac
IP:

meh, didn't like the overuse of one-syllable rhyming....kinda choppified the flow and took a little from the enjoyment...........BUT, it was good, i enjoyed the concept you approached, because it wasn't the typical death approach.....you broadened it, took it from a more contemplating angle.....thought provoking, as i like to call it.....hook was nice, i liked it......my advice...you don't have to rhyme every second word on a line...that's forcing it....and pushing it a little.......make it smooth....you know, complete thoughts........word, not bad though, keep up man, twas worth the read
__________________



this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish



FLY FREE
Send a message via AIM to Germ Send a message via MSN to Germ   Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-05, 10:52 PM   #6
NaRc-UzI
GeNeRaL
 
Posts: 857
From: bronx
IP:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drakel
meh, didn't like the overuse of one-syllable rhyming....kinda choppified the flow and took a little from the enjoyment...........BUT, it was good, i enjoyed the concept you approached, because it wasn't the typical death approach.....you broadened it, took it from a more contemplating angle.....thought provoking, as i like to call it.....hook was nice, i liked it......my advice...you don't have to rhyme every second word on a line...that's forcing it....and pushing it a little.......make it smooth....you know, complete thoughts........word, not bad though, keep up man, twas worth the read

Thanks for the advice Man
Still Uppin
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-05, 11:21 PM   #7
Implicit
-BTR-
 
Posts: 2,653
IP:

No I didn't like it because I was supposed to be on it. But overall, it was cool. You had some nice flow but I agree with Drakel when he speaks of the 1-syllable rhyming. 7/10
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-26-05, 11:52 PM   #8
NaRc-UzI
GeNeRaL
 
Posts: 857
From: bronx
IP:

Quote:
Originally Posted by sabotage
No I didn't like it because I was supposed to be on it. But overall, it was cool. You had some nice flow but I agree with Drakel when he speaks of the 1-syllable rhyming. 7/10

I thought it flowed preety good but i know what ya mean i just wanted to try someting New and Sab i wouldve done this with you but you said to wait till tuesday and i was bored
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-05, 10:12 AM   #9
NaRc-UzI
GeNeRaL
 
Posts: 857
From: bronx
IP:

uppin............................................. .........
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-05, 10:55 AM   #10
Payn
Middle Weight
 
Payn's Avatar
 
Posts: 514
From: Washington, DC
IP:

i luv diz piece here from u mayne u got good concepts, solid drop, structure was hittin, vocab was up 2 par, meta's were ight, keep writing ~1~LUV~1~THUG~ 9.5/10
__________________




Choose words carefully when you address me
You ain't gotta like me, but you're gonna respect me
(Or else) or else you get wet like a jigsknee
Take ten of these and live, that'll impress me
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-05, 01:54 PM   #11
NaRc-UzI
GeNeRaL
 
Posts: 857
From: bronx
IP:

uppin............................................. ......
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:04 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.