|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-21-05, 10:38 PM
|
#1
|
||||
|
New to RV
|
The Herd, The Scene.
IP: 851A D9CE
Incoherant, illiterate to the point of a blur
The translations lost in the sound of the heard He doesn't even know if these are even his words Yet, he concurs. Placing his trust in the palms of a ghost It falls right through, not 'cause of the host But emotions are as vague as the one who revokes He waits, he hopes. A written response is his painful denial The author exaggerates the opinion he entitled Stealing the words from the heard was too vital He types, re: tired. The author's exausted, insomnia solemly breaking him His journal was shaking him, pages ripped and began hating him Whimsically faking them, he spoke and the ghost was changing him It tears him, it fades him. The lines were read to few and far between Skimming through the seems of everything it seemed That something was nothing unless it was seen The heard, the scene, the record company. Blurred Vision Weathered The Storm
__________________
 Last edited by Barr : 09-21-05 at 10:56 PM. |
||||
|
|
09-21-05, 11:55 PM
|
#2
|
|||||
|
The Topical Juggernaut
|
IP: D35B 3F85
That was pretty decent man. A few things I think you could have elevated on would have been a little more vocab, flow wasnt to bad. However I think you could have really done alot better had you added more multies. I liked your structure and your style leaned a little more towards poetry. All in all nice drop man. Keep it up!
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate  The unexamined life is not worth living.
|
|||||
|
|
|
09-22-05, 05:44 PM
|
#3
|
||||
|
New to RV
|
IP: E860 C01A
thanks uppin.l.....................
__________________
|
||||
|
|
|
09-23-05, 12:35 PM
|
#4
|
||||
|
New to RV
|
IP: 3B60 D411
.......................
__________________
|
||||
|
|
|
09-23-05, 01:02 PM
|
#5
|
|||||||
|
New to RV
|
IP: 0221 18C1
this was more like poetry all in all it was a good piece good imagery ~1ne~
__________________
BROOKLYN'S FINEST  
|
|||||||
|
|
|
10-02-05, 12:31 AM
|
#6
|
||||
|
New to RV
|
IP: ABB2 431B
fuckin feedback is in the dumps..,...
__________________
|
||||
|
|
|
10-02-05, 08:42 PM
|
#7
|
||||||
|
New to RV
|
IP: 3F7D ED7B
Like my ex-wife...hahaha..no.
Anyway, the concept was okay, as were the structure and flow. Your vocabulary could use work as well. Yes, this was poetry, but you probably posted here because about any rap site you go to OM gets more feed on it then Poetry. The whole thing was mediocre. Keep elevating. 7/10 RTF on Dead Beat Holiday(which is really entitled Pharaoh's Sarcophagus, I just made a mistake.)
__________________
.
.....Get Soulclapped, E-Style..... t |
||||||
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
