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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-24-05, 10:03 AM
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#1
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Coming to Kill you All
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Beneath the Hour Glass
IP: D39A A4B1
Some shit I keyed up durin the verbal emotion tourney...I figured I'd try to get feed over here too....
Beneath the hour glass fuk the world & it's uncan's ..i've taken all the pain i can so i'm actually grateful of the falling of the last grain of sand cos i got the strife locked..contained in the life's clock.. once this hourglass tick-tocks..then maybe it might stop it wuz all over..i'm happy..i didn't care bout gettin any older as i embrace an early death wit my breath growing colder my eyelider heavier than boulders..i shut 'em both swift a 'lil pain sprayed through my chest..but i gut it all stiff then i found myself in a dark tunnel..wit no lights nor noice wanted to scream for help..but there wuz no one in sight to call but then..the settin bloomed red..wit flames shootin out everywhere a figure wit horns came n told me i wuz his student,so don't care his appearance scared me...wit his eyes red..unbearably he took me on his shoulders n i asked "where the FUCK u carrin me?" no reply on his part..he told me shut up and play my part i wuz hiz bitch to rape...just another pitiful glitch to hate. i asked him where i wuz..he told me.. "this the last stop the place where souls are tormented n bled to their last drop where dreams become nightmares n pleasure becomes anguish where my existance meant nothing 'cept for the measure to vanquish this where i have my fun n u don't..where I stretch the cowards ass so you can forget everything about u or ur past cos this iz....beneath the hour glass |
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09-24-05, 10:05 AM
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#2
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Coming to Kill you All
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IP: D39A A4B1
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...628#post2453628
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=209479 ^^post 9..on both links. Last edited by Natural killa : 09-24-05 at 10:08 AM. |
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09-24-05, 06:06 PM
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#3
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Coming to Kill you All
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IP: 9BB3 D49E
uppin..........
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09-25-05, 03:44 AM
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#4
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The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: A2CF 2639
Damn, some nice imagery! I liked that topic alot. You had pretty good flow throughout the entire piece man. The only thing I would suggest would be uppin' your vocab and addin' some multies in the mix. Also try to add some symbolism, hints about what your typin' without typin' it. I always enjoy piece that have that down. Nice drop man, and good luck. Keep droppin'. Peace.
-Mentalz
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate  The unexamined life is not worth living.
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09-27-05, 08:09 AM
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#5
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Coming to Kill you All
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IP: E7AD 4329
thx...uppin for more feed
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