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02-20-06, 09:59 PM | #1 | |||||||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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Tears Of Ink
IP: F1FC 4749
Shedding Tears While My Tortured Emotions Get Twisted
Coroding My Visions Ever Since My Life's Devotion Evicted The Shear Agony Of Constricting Due To The Fear Stabbin Me I'm A Mear Apothy Of A Dim Light Floating From Near Gravity Shadows Dwell In My Vaines As My Eyelids Close To A Fade Supposed To Be Brave But Lonelyless Brings Me Close In A Grave Followed By A Shadow Of Burdains For The Connection Was Lost Paddlin A Shallow, Rapid River Ever Since Our Affection Was Tossed Feelings Swirling, Twirled In A Hurrican Of Converted Emotions Burdained And Curvin To A Asserted Destiny Of Detiriorated Devotion For The Moon Reflects In My Sight, While I Soon Eject From A Flight High, In A Passion, Reset In A Fight To Detect The Love As The Might In A Everlasting Journey, I'm Set In The Truth Of The Situation Clowds Gather In My Toughts To Bring Rain Of Insicurity And Accusations For I'm Built Strong, Heart Pounding When I Hear That Voice Like A Bird's Song, Chirpin, Workin To Regain The Feel Of Rejoice So I Drop Tears Of Ink As The Days Grow Old And Wither With Time A Sinner For Love, Lost In The Midst Of Emotion... ......While My Thoughts Drift Behind. http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2665111 Last edited by T. Skillz : 02-20-06 at 10:30 PM. |
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02-20-06, 10:37 PM | #2 | |||||
.:Certified Mystique:.
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IP: BC5F 5748
D
O P E DOPE....9.9/10...It wouldve been a ten outta ten but i think 9.9 lookz cooler...lol...Everything was there, Vocab was great, Multies were there flow was on point structure wasnt TOO off but it was off a little bit but nothing major...Overrall a great piece, im feelin it man..keep it up...word...1 |
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02-20-06, 10:52 PM | #3 | |||||
.:Certified Mystique:.
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IP: BC5F 5748
Cmon ppl this is a dope ass piece, ya'll need to start leaving feed on it!!!!!...word...1
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02-20-06, 11:33 PM | #4 | |||||||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP: F1FC 4749
lol, thanks for the feedback homie........
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02-20-06, 11:53 PM | #5 | |||||
Not_Indeph
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IP: CDAE A6D5
Supposed To Be Brave But Lonelyless Brings Me Close In A Grave
Lol @ how ill this was, makes me wanna close this out of anger. You had good vocab and a multi rhyme scheme with lines that actually made sense. Veeeeeery MC like. I loved it freal. Nice shit, mines was better though btw. Join the council, seriously. |
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02-21-06, 12:05 AM | #6 | |||||||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP: F1FC 4749
lol, thanks for the feedback homie, yo hit me up on aim or msn.......and you need to stay quiet, don't feed lies to these kids by tellin them yours was better
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02-21-06, 12:13 AM | #7 | |||||
Not_Indeph
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IP: CDAE A6D5
*deletes thread*
Time to figure out who's the boss around here, chump. |
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02-21-06, 12:18 AM | #8 | |||||||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP: F1FC 4749
lmao........*punches indepth how earlier had the name gay*
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02-21-06, 12:34 AM | #9 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 85BE FE9C
hey braw it was on point if i was actually into it i would give it a 9/10 but it didn't really spark my flame but there was some hot verses theat set the trck on fire keep it up and i'll see you on mtv 2 hommie
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02-21-06, 12:36 AM | #10 | |||||||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP: F1FC 4749
lol, aight homie........thanks for the feedback
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02-21-06, 12:57 PM | #11 | |||||||
Ill Nigga Alert.
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IP: 885B B088
It was good an shit. Vocab was good an shit. Verse was good an shit. Was on point an shit. 8/10 an shit.
__________________
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02-21-06, 12:59 PM | #12 | |||||||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP: F1FC 4749
and shit.......lol....thanks for the feedback homie...
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02-21-06, 11:26 PM | #13 | |||||
Light Weight
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IP: EE34 FF07
I thought this was good...
The only downfall may have been your complexity. I felt that it may have been almost too complex and I found myself getting lost or having to re-read a line or two. The internals and flow were great, like they usually are when you write, I was feeling the ending most: So I Drop Tears Of Ink As The Days Grow Old And Wither With Time A Sinner For Love, Lost In The Midst Of Emotion... ......While My Thoughts Drift Behind. ^by far your best lines... also, dont capitalize every single word, its annoying like balls... good work on this piece though. http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=222930
__________________
Was he robbed of the ashphalt that cushioned his face? |
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02-22-06, 11:43 AM | #14 | |||||||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP: F1FC 4749
thanks for the feed homie.................
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02-22-06, 01:14 PM | #15 | ||||
I Chill in Asylums
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IP: 9133 A552
This was real nice, loving the multies and internal rhyming in this especially, Very well done. Only problem i got with it is that it felt a lil to complex at times, but other than that it was all good. My favorite bar was definitely the ending:
So I Drop Tears Of Ink As The Days Grow Old And Wither With Time A Sinner For Love, Lost In The Midst Of Emotion... ......While My Thoughts Drift Behind ^^That was a good way to end it, in my opinion. Nice job man, keep it up. |
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