This piece was aight like Mentalz said u should add more multies, ur vocab was cool for this piece cuz it made it flow a little bit easier. And u might also wanna add more images in it like descriptions of something to get it more in depth. My favorite line was "Life will pass you by, grab it by the balls if ya wanna exist" i thought that was nice. But overall i'd give it an 7/10. Keep writing man, peace.