trying out different styles, not so sure i like this peice that much, but might as well drop it

watching my steps

The boy

Shatterd glass, to me its basicly the sound of relief
for one second, steve, can be off my ass, good greif
hes just my stepdad, nothing to me, except paranoia
well thats all he gives me, and hes the size of a sequoia
plus he hits hard, and with my bad grades, i cant get far
he tells me im nothing everyday, while hes leavin the scars
he belongs behind bars, but im not gana be the one to rat him out
hes my moms husband, so respect is the only thing out of my mouth
he came from the south, lies and says its normal to take licks
he makes me sick, litterally my stomach cant take swift kicks
hes a dick, he wont even try to just be my friend
ever since the day i met him, my lifes been in a bend
i guess my mom likes him, so i dont tell her what he does to me
wouldnt wanna know what hed do if my mother would happen to see
ide have to flee, burn the bridges behind me, and loose all past
but to prevent that, ill just take another step, another day to last
takes his anger out on me, im scared every time he flexes is triceps
dont wana find out what its like when hes mad, so im watchin my steps


the step dad

I really cant stand my step-son, not an athlete, and doesnt hit the books
god didnt give him anything to work with, beleive me he cant get buy on his looks
and its fun to leave him shook, espeical when my tepors mild
i give a meaning to beating the unexpected step child
hes a liar, or atleast i expect him to be, theres nobody to see
just the way he treats me alone is the reason i make him bleed
and his mom....she dont know shit and if she did she wouldnt care
she knows where im coming from, the kid is allways in her hair
i know hes scared of me, and i know where he thinks the guns are kept
so instead of watching my own, my precisly watching my stepsons steps


the mom

Another fight, why wont the man just leave, i mean
ide kick him out, but i know what my son sees
i know they get along, hes the only friend he has
Steve treats him like his own, hes a great dad
but a horible husband, and a jerk to just begin
my son and him are close, i guess, he wins
My son got beat up again, another dreadfull day at school
i only know what he tells me, hes explained hes not cool
but for somereason he likes it there, he loves to learn
i admit hes not that bright, but his mind dieing to yearn
and the bruises on his back are appaling, im afraid of what i might do
pull my kid from school, just to help his health so he doesnt die soon
dont know whats in his mind, and where is thoughts are kept
so im looking back, at what went wrong and my sons previous steps

The boys going down the wrong road, you reap what you sow
but to hurt the mom and damage her mind she must know
but how, only one way out, or will time just tell
eachone thinking about someone, the boy is thinking about hell
he just lets his wounds swell and takes another days reps
and to determin his fate, he just watches his next step

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Corrupted Visions

Wow, im proud of you man lol...But great drop topic....you nice imaginary in this, i liked it, pretty nice.....it had a nice flow to it i thought, stayed on pretty well through out the whole piece...overall id say everything is awesome....made a good read....keep at it.

thanx man uppin

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Corrupted Visions

uppin for feedback

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Corrupted Visions

dude..this was very nice...I was working on a piece like this..but after seeing this...I can't put it up...anyway..your imagery was great..it flowed pretty well..this was a nice piece..

Yeah this was nice, flow was ok, vocab was good on point.. & story was nice, the 3 diff story angles were nice to read, u did it well, u got some potential ... keep dropping, .. & all =) nice read man ..

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Fuck you

uppin for feedback

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Corrupted Visions

i really liked this coz i was expectin the father to be all ' i love him but he hates me' sort of thing,, but the flip was amazing.. i was impressed... i think with a lot of fine tuning that concept could be a track

well im no audio man so this will never be a audio from me, uppin

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Corrupted Visions

I thought it was an alright read in my opinion though I'd say u could do alot better if u took more time with it and I can say that I can sorta relate to this so I thought your imagery was good and u had good content with the whole story aspect of this piece. I think u coulda had some more multi's though and the rhyme scheme seemed sorta basic but it made for an easy read only thing I thought it was lacking really was wordplay. but other then that man it was an alright piece. keep droppin bro peace.

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<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>

That Was A Nice Drop Nice Vocab Flow And I Like Thee Way You Useg Imagination Flow Was Good And Also I Liked The Way You Used More Then 1 Character Thats Pretty Hard


9.5/10

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ReKorD
WinS 0
LossEs 1
Ko'S 1
K'Oed

thanx uppin for feedback

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Corrupted Visions

Wow, this was pretty realistic. I can actually imagining this happening somewhere out in the world, in some low-class neighborhood. The mental pictures i get when reading this, just blows the proportion of a rhyme as i know it. The stereotype of rap isnt like this at all, its more like, some poetry, but as you think about it, rap is poetry with a beat. Some lines could have been reworded, but this was pretty good stuff. Keep up the good work. Even though this was an easy read, it still hits deep down (Hits fist on chest). Good job.

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PenPalz

well ok then uppin

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Corrupted Visions