Now before i post this shit no that this is a true story. And it serious as hell so i don't want no bullshit comments.

(Chorus)This is a story about me//
This all happened before I turned three//
I’m older now but I’m still … remembering//

Understand that I’m speaking RusSIAN//
Here’s the translaTION//
(PUASE)
(Verse One) I wake up, where mama tonight?//
wait this ain’t my room this can’t be right//
This ain’t my bed//
and I’m getting pissed cause I ain’t being feed//
I don’t understand what going on//
But this place feels all wrong//
Why is there so many other kid around me//
I get picked up, I look down and see//
This old lady and what she just said got me going crazy//
And she looking at me like I’m gonna cheer//
She said I ain’t got no parents and I’m gonna stay here//
Nah this can’t be true she’s lying//
Ah damn she got me crying//
(Chorus 2x)
(Verse Two) Been awhile and I gotten over the shock//
I just don’t know why my crib is locked//
All I no is that I wanna leave//
But I’m so skinny that you would’t even believe//
I can see my ribs//
And the adults that come in look at all the other cribs//
But play times here so I’m out asking for food and money//
The others are doing it to but the adults just look at us funny//
The whole time I been here I only made one friend//
And we trying to get picked before we turn ten//
Because we hear stories that that’s when we go to the army//
I get no care so I gotta put up with what ever harms me//
(Chorus2x)
(Verse Three) It my birthday soon I’m about to turn three//
And that old lady came to me//
With to other people saying that they gonna be my new family//
First I look at them like they a precious gem//
I rush over give them a hugg and start talking to them//
But they just look at me weird//
I find out that they American and I’m kinda scared//
I wake up the next day think that it was just a dream//
But they come back and give me ice cream//
I’m think it really gonna happen but then I remember my only friend//
And she look like she got a mom too so I’m think we can make it to the end//
Another week week go by and they keep coming back//
And every day I get a snack//
But today seemed special I see them signing stuff//
And I wanna leave cause I had enough//
And on the way out they grab my hand//
Now I’m on a plane with my new name dan//
(Chorus 2x)
(Verse Four)I’m bigger and older//
but still carry a lot on my should//
and now I’m going by another name//
A.K.A. and I’m all over the rap game//
And every night I got a new dame//
Giving me brain//
And I’m making a lot of chetter//
But sometimes I think life got no better//
I just sit back and remember//
How it was in December//
Of nineteen ninety/
Thank god that my mom could find me//

__________________

<a href="http://www.soundclick.com/jerseydevils">
<img src="http://www.soundclick.com/images/bandlogos/plainround_silvergrad.gif" border=0 alt="SoundClick Now!"></a>
<marquee>i'm an Audio Mc, text Mc, sig maker, and topical Mc! THATS WHY I'M THE KING<marquee>

this is ok, your bar's need to be alot longer.


A.K.A. and I’m all over the rap game//
And every night I got a new dame//
Giving me brain//
^^^
instead of saying just "given me brain" why not add soem imagery into it.
"as i lay back on the seat,the girl is now given me brain..blah...just an example.

but yeh you need to work on your structure a bit, your bar's are not even, which is fucking up the flow.
you have a bar with 22 syllable's near the start then toward's the end you have a bar with 6 syllable's...
anyway 5/10.. keep dropping
remember your link's

return the feed,link in sig.

ok upping and i no what you mean but it would be alot better if i could spit it. it just look wrong

__________________
RePlay
(0,0) 0 KOs

you still need to add your link's can you return the favour, check the sig.

add links???????????????????

__________________
RePlay
(0,0) 0 KOs

link's to 2 other open mic's you have left decent feed on.

i don't really have any that are only mine but here a link to a hot one wit my boy sniper:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=134765

__________________
RePlay
(0,0) 0 KOs

the reason you have too add link's is so you go give feed on 2c other open mics(not your own)
you still need to leave 2 links

i'm lost................................

__________________
RePlay
(0,0) 0 KOs

go reply to 2 other people's open mic's.

then get those two link's and post them in your open mic.

easy as 1 2 3 .

but why? thats a gay rule

__________________

<a href="http://www.soundclick.com/jerseydevils">
<img src="http://www.soundclick.com/images/bandlogos/plainround_silvergrad.gif" border=0 alt="SoundClick Now!"></a>
<marquee>i'm an Audio Mc, text Mc, sig maker, and topical Mc! THATS WHY I'M THE KING<marquee>

looking for more opinions

__________________

<a href="http://www.soundclick.com/jerseydevils">
<img src="http://www.soundclick.com/images/bandlogos/plainround_silvergrad.gif" border=0 alt="SoundClick Now!"></a>
<marquee>i'm an Audio Mc, text Mc, sig maker, and topical Mc! THATS WHY I'M THE KING<marquee>

stop acting so wak, read the sticky at the top of the open mic forum.

__________________