Overall this is bomb from a rookie, you can rhyme no doubt, you got thought in your rhyme, no doubt. Now you gotta up the vocab, add some punches, spark off some metas, and get into that shit deep with your mind. Basically, if you're just startin' like I think you said you were, then you got a decent foundation, now add the complications that show true skill and not just intelligence and natural rhyming abilities. Holla atcha' boy ~1~

__________________
The dog, darkness leads the way, death marks his path.

thanks for the advice, I'll take it to heart,
I"m here to take on the world, this is just to start
trying to show where I'm from with out naming off a trailer park,
hate that damn movie except the battle and beatdown part,
wish I coulda been an extra in the flick that inspired 1000 wannabes
but if I ever meet Em I'm breakin' both his knees,
I know, a shady diss is a bitch way to go,
it's not my fault he makes it so easy though,
gotta get some sleep, but I'm comin back to elaborate,
and once again thx. for the props, maybe someone else will evaluate

__________________
Laugh if you will, it's alright I can deal,
cause when it's all said and done,
last man standing is always Thrill_Kill

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=179770

yo i'll evaluate that for one...that's really creative man....


I thought ur original peice was good for a rookie...and u definately have rhyming skills...but like the other guy said just add some complicated stuff in there and u'll be on ur way son...

btw return the favour...here:

heat of the moment- me

__________________
Unknown Legend...

uppppppiiiiinnnnn for feed

__________________
Laugh if you will, it's alright I can deal,
cause when it's all said and done,
last man standing is always Thrill_Kill

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=179770

upppin' before I jet

__________________
Laugh if you will, it's alright I can deal,
cause when it's all said and done,
last man standing is always Thrill_Kill

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=179770

alright, thrill_kill back up in this bitch,.... I was gonna become a regular but got distracted by life, so for now I'm just gonna up this and see what happens NOW

__________________
Laugh if you will, it's alright I can deal,
cause when it's all said and done,
last man standing is always Thrill_Kill

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=179770