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Old 03-28-05, 05:35 AM   #1
Legion
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Grow up

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These visions, occur from corners skewered in prevailing dark.
Old memorys evade the back of my brain, and head straight for the heart.
Its a part; of me, i see in reams, when i leave reality and slip into dreams.
It seems, i'm being haunted by demons of the past, my innocence be redeemed.
The schem is'nt pleasant, but i cant go back farther then i already have.
From one week ago, to days in high school, fighting back tears cos i failed in math.
Parents parental skills were trash, they hated on me, but wanted me to do well.
Nights of beatings, flash, to days wound up in hospital, them urging me to get well.
But it was them, they made me strong, in exchange for severe physical abuse.
Father hated thugs, but in fact he was involved in the petty crimes and drug use.
Snorting lines, dissolving his time, quality time was shattered and his life? Divided.
Glints in his eye, brung forth the shadows on my childhood, and nightmares reminded.
For that was my growing up, sand of time swallows up my past.
Darkness has been and gone, so the good times are here to last
.
That was a quick key cos i was bored.
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Old 03-28-05, 05:49 AM   #2
The Militant
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nice shit it dosent really sound like a rap but a poem this was really good nice vocab nice multies structre need a lil work but every thing else was good 7/10

please return the favor in one of my open mics in my sig
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Old 03-28-05, 06:10 AM   #3
Legion
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Thanks, i'll look @ yours later on.
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Old 03-28-05, 09:09 AM   #4
Legion
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Upping for some more feed.
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Old 03-28-05, 01:02 PM   #5
Legion
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Upping for some more feedback.
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Old 03-28-05, 04:15 PM   #6
Kawn Flixx
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Where's the link?
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Old 03-28-05, 04:50 PM   #7
Legion
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huh? what do you mean link?
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Old 03-29-05, 01:49 AM   #8
Whys That?
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dope drop....good vocab...nice peice of writing...
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Old 03-29-05, 02:46 AM   #9
Kawn Flixx
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You need to drop a link to a open mic you left feedback on Or this will be closed
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Old 03-29-05, 07:52 AM   #10
Legion
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Old 03-29-05, 10:23 AM   #11
Legion
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Upping for some more feedback, don't sleep.
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Old 03-29-05, 11:48 AM   #12
Armada Da 187
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pretty nice fam, like X cell said looked lilke a poem more then a rap but still never the less A pretty tight piece of work. nice wordplay to the whole verse n a nice flow to it as well


8/10
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Old 03-29-05, 02:07 PM   #13
Parallel
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the lines were a bit streched which fucked the flow up. the stucutre wasnt to bad it was ight. the imagery was decent the vocab well there wasnt much. but this was a decent OM. 1
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Old 03-29-05, 02:25 PM   #14
Germ
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yes....not a rap, but more poetry-ish, but still, it was good, you got a nice hold on vocab, but you dont over-do it either, you use it effectively and really brings out great imagery and emotion, and thats what you want.....yeah, lines were a little long, but thats because you're probly accustomed to writing in non-rap form......still a good piece, and ya seem like a talented writer.........and you should come to the establishment, not TC, hahaha, word, keep up man
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