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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-09-05, 12:57 PM
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#1
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Poeticool
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dreaming of the dark.
IP: 352B DA38
dancing evils flicker in the dim
where fantasie's and vision seep in.. my mind, i find beauty divine a figure resting in a haven.. under entwining vines swift action's grasp my eye glazed pupil's stare.. at this figure dressed in light environment is rich, almost heaven but what is this?.. too pure for me to endeavour i step to this being, and feel air striking upon my face.. shot's of life take me, being forced to kneel to this angel of sin, god's or the devil's? this thought i revel.. ride the wing's of eternity, or experience sadistic peril's? within the very thought, reality fit's my vision dream or fantasy.. "light, dark" i find on my palm, incisioned. i was bored, so i figured i'd key this up. |
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05-09-05, 03:28 PM
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#2
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Light Weight
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IP: ED1D 881D
not bad for a key up! But format was slight off and vocab was ok. But we all need to work on that. ALL.
environment is rich, almost heaven but what is this?.. ^^Î liked this line alot. Made me think. Sweft
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05-09-05, 04:03 PM
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#3
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Banned: Biting
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IP: 11E2 4814
Kinda Small Lines Not Alot said but It was Short and Sweet Like Sugar Canes LOL
Nice drop man Try to Expand your lines next time |
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05-09-05, 04:04 PM
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#4
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Poeticool
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IP: 352B DA38
thank's for the feedback.
upping. |
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05-09-05, 04:24 PM
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#5
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in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
word, this was pretty cool....nice little thing i like to call a ponder poem.....lmlo, i just made that up, but this indeed was a short, cool poem, keep up
ps, join my crew, poetry heads are dope, nah sayin?
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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05-10-05, 03:28 PM
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#6
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Poeticool
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IP: 7F1B 63C4
Thank's for the feedback.
Up. |
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05-10-05, 03:29 PM
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#7
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 28AD 5545
I like the format you used, it set the tone of this peom well, you have an extensive imagination, and it shows in your words, i enjoyed your style, and i like the metaphors..1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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05-10-05, 03:32 PM
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#8
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Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 7E57 0A19
Blah. Your sentence needs to be worded correctly. The imaginary was ok, needs to be upp a little. The emotion of this verse was ok also should work on that also. The format you done was coo, you right it does be "powerful" if you master it? But it was a bit short and it was a good poem though, keep writing. PS: battle me, get @ me on pm or aim. Peace thank you. S~A
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05-12-05, 02:25 PM
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#9
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Poeticool
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IP: 7F1B 63C4
Upping this....
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05-15-05, 10:35 AM
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#10
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Poeticool
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IP: F245 DF6C
I'd like to bump this.
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05-15-05, 11:06 AM
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#11
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 0E89 9DF2
I like your writing style with the short lines, it gives it a more powerful and direct feeling. Imagery was great, nice emotion and found a good balance with your vocab. Keep it up man, good piece!
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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