![]() |
|
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Champion
|
End of my life (Intermental's re-invention)
IP: 1CC8 1F5F
Talkin: Im callin this the re-invention because, I realised that I was whack before I dropped this .....holla at Intermental..newly born
The burden is heavy, why do I have to carry it My life in danger homie, but I have to cherish it I dont want to go out this way, jus cos what happend that day I know i mustve done sumthin wrong, even tho I pray Lord dont take me away, damn I can see my dead body lay Through the visions, the satan been givin Lord I dont know much, but this aint no livin Pick me up from the dark nights, rescue me from the bad times The truth fuse from my brain, and expresses itself on these lines My heart ripped through my soul and thrown away Lord forgive me, I dont wanna die today The tears fallin, the rain pourin Showerin me with fear My heart so dead its in mournin Is the end of my life near? My life going good, dont make me leave It seems like im drownin, so Lord let me breathe I wanna take my head out the water, let me see I can see it in my mind, my enemies plottin to kill me I knew it will happen one day, so lord whether the storm Lord, Im turnin to you so protect me from dusk till dawn I can see that glock aiming at me, i dont wanna die This probably the last second in my life, so goodbye The tears fallin, the rain pourin Showerin me with fear My heart so dead its in mournin Is the end of my life near?
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
Last edited by Intermental : 06-04-05 at 11:23 AM. |
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Champion
|
IP: 1CC8 1F5F
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
|
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||||
Middle Weight
|
IP: 828D 0B7A
Nice sort of prayer piece
wanna take my head out the water, let me see I can see it in my mind, my enemies plottin to kill me I knew it will happen one day, so lord whether the storm Lord, Im turnin to you so protect me from dusk till dawn I can see that glock aiming at me, i dont wanna die This probably the last second in my life, so goodbye Nice content flow was nicest here not gr8 flow but str8 too choppy at beggining Also the I makes the personal shown and shit nice touch to it Yeah a decent piece def not the best ive seen from u or from this idea from other people but stll decent stay up and do you |
||||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Champion
|
IP: 6CFC 0036
uppin................
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
|
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Champion
|
IP: EC3E CB29
uppin........................
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
|
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Champion
|
IP: 316F 7534
uppin..............
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
|
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||
WhoAreYou?
|
IP: A181 D033
Ya know what i was feelin the content. Even though it was kinda negative depending on the way in which you look at it. The structure was well balanced overall, and it flowed well.
As dizzee said i think you've produced better material and are capable of producing a much better piece, but don't get me wrong, you shouldn't be disheartened though cos i think this piece is ok. Just try to be more creative and expand on your vocab in future. I'd give this piece like 6.5/10 |
|||
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Champion
|
IP: 4C5A 1CE1
thanks..........................uppinn...dis
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
|
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Champion
|
IP: 8CC3 7FC9
uppin.............................
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
|
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||||||
New to RV
|
IP: 28AD 5545
ive never read any of your other shit yet but i thought this was straight i would bump it
__________________
Dont Get It TWISTED: dats right it came from Mi$$ PimPtre$$ |
|||||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Champion
|
IP: 1106 D46F
thanks ma....uppinnn
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
|
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Champion
|
IP: 1106 D46F
uppin......................
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
|
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||
1926
|
IP: 3240 794D
This Piece Had Very Nice Emotion...
It Lacked Alot Of Things But Emotion You Had On Point... And Even Though You Lacked So Many Things I Kind Of Enjoyed This Piece... But It Was Very Simplistic... Maybe That Is Even Why I Liked It... I Dunno, I Cant Even Tell You Cuz Im Not Sure Why I Enjoyed This... But Ya, Maybe Next Time Tryn Expand And Increase Your Rhyming... Stay Up And Keep Writing... .One. |
|||
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Champion
|
IP: 1750 0A1D
Thanks homie...i like simple rhyming....because its easier to put a message accross
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
|
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Champion
|
IP: 53CB EE50
upppin...................
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
|
||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|