RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 06-09-05, 11:30 AM   #1
SNE DAWG
Light Weight
 
SNE DAWG's Avatar
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Apr 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-4
suicidal mind

IP: 452E 0970



everyday he walks in the street wit a faked smile
he goes to a hiden place n´and reflect´s for a while
no one nows he is anotha nigga wit a suicidal mind
no one can see him, is like the world is blind
he suffers because of the sadness he embraced
its like god put us in this world, like pawns placed
feels like the only way out is blowin your brains
no one knows you until they see the blood stains
try to cry for help but your trapped in the chains
the guns there you can have it n´finish this 4 good
but youll remember your momma cryin in the place where your body stood
the times when you locked up your room and played the music out loud
your brains all over the wall being watch by a curious crowd
the people cryin cause anotha young nigga died
but they dont know the pressure that you everyday cried
there standing, the people that saw you deep in the eyes
neva helped in your suffering, jus saw time as it flies
but now is too late 4 comin back
cause no one can dodge death wit a trap.....
__________________
"You Gotta Clean Your Life Before You Begin Your Life, You Dumb Nigga" -2Pac-

SHEEP CLUB 4 EVA

<img src="http://www.bestanimations.com/Humans/SkullBones/SkullBones-01.gif">

Keep Votin (Ill RTF)
Me Vs Ax Dogg...Dont listen to the haters..I didnt bite any line...

Me Vs Murdz
Send a message via MSN to SNE DAWG   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-05, 11:31 AM   #2
SNE DAWG
Light Weight
 
SNE DAWG's Avatar
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Apr 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-4
IP: 452E 0970

__________________
"You Gotta Clean Your Life Before You Begin Your Life, You Dumb Nigga" -2Pac-

SHEEP CLUB 4 EVA

<img src="http://www.bestanimations.com/Humans/SkullBones/SkullBones-01.gif">

Keep Votin (Ill RTF)
Me Vs Ax Dogg...Dont listen to the haters..I didnt bite any line...

Me Vs Murdz
Send a message via MSN to SNE DAWG   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-05, 12:25 PM   #3
SNE DAWG
Light Weight
 
SNE DAWG's Avatar
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Apr 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-4
IP: 452E 0970

comon niggaz gimme sum feedback
__________________
"You Gotta Clean Your Life Before You Begin Your Life, You Dumb Nigga" -2Pac-

SHEEP CLUB 4 EVA

<img src="http://www.bestanimations.com/Humans/SkullBones/SkullBones-01.gif">

Keep Votin (Ill RTF)
Me Vs Ax Dogg...Dont listen to the haters..I didnt bite any line...

Me Vs Murdz
Send a message via MSN to SNE DAWG   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-05, 02:36 PM   #4
K-Trini
Banned: Cheating
 
K-Trini's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2005
From: N.Y./born in Trinidad
Status: Offline
IP: 796F 5895

Well,it was Ok.Flow was off at certain points however.Basic rhyme scheme but don't matter.

As for ur content....something of this topic needs to be packed with mind-blowing metas.U had some decent ones but nothing special.This was a decent verse...but didn't paint an image that'd stay with the reader for a long time.~1~
Send a message via AIM to K-Trini   Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-05, 09:03 PM   #5
B.I.G.
B.I.G.
 
B.I.G.'s Avatar
 
Posts: 1,111
Joined: Apr 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-3
IP: F2F7 D6F2

keep up with worldplay. vocab aight, flow, structure aight, creativity excelent, a lil rhyme forcing... keep up nigga.....

RTF.... c'mon
__________________


Bizzacckkk
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-14-05, 11:35 AM   #6
SNE DAWG
Light Weight
 
SNE DAWG's Avatar
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Apr 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-4
IP: 452E 0970

aight..thanks 4 the feed
__________________
"You Gotta Clean Your Life Before You Begin Your Life, You Dumb Nigga" -2Pac-

SHEEP CLUB 4 EVA

<img src="http://www.bestanimations.com/Humans/SkullBones/SkullBones-01.gif">

Keep Votin (Ill RTF)
Me Vs Ax Dogg...Dont listen to the haters..I didnt bite any line...

Me Vs Murdz
Send a message via MSN to SNE DAWG   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-05, 11:50 PM   #7
Pollo Deshuesado
New to RV
 
Pollo Deshuesado's Avatar
 
Posts: 53
Joined: May 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
IP: 870F FA55

Man... that's why I see you ain't gettin no feedback

elevate man!!!!!!....u need a lot of everything, I'd say 2 out of 10..... don't hate me, this is just feedback.....
__________________
"Drink, Smoke, Fuck and Sleep"

<img src="http://www.bestanimations.com/Humans/Skulls/Skull-32.gif">

Sne dawg is biting lines....

"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation."
-Herman Melville-
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-05, 11:51 PM   #8
Pollo Deshuesado
New to RV
 
Pollo Deshuesado's Avatar
 
Posts: 53
Joined: May 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
IP: 870F FA55

"no one can see him, is like the world is blind"

wtf??? this line is mine!!!!!!
__________________
"Drink, Smoke, Fuck and Sleep"

<img src="http://www.bestanimations.com/Humans/Skulls/Skull-32.gif">

Sne dawg is biting lines....

"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation."
-Herman Melville-
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-05, 11:53 PM   #9
SNE DAWG
Light Weight
 
SNE DAWG's Avatar
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Apr 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-4
IP: CB51 B4DC

wtf is wit you dawg you followin all ma post n´sayin is wack n´shit......dawg you aint gettin me banned the more you try
__________________
"You Gotta Clean Your Life Before You Begin Your Life, You Dumb Nigga" -2Pac-

SHEEP CLUB 4 EVA

<img src="http://www.bestanimations.com/Humans/SkullBones/SkullBones-01.gif">

Keep Votin (Ill RTF)
Me Vs Ax Dogg...Dont listen to the haters..I didnt bite any line...

Me Vs Murdz
Send a message via MSN to SNE DAWG   Reply With Quote
Old 06-20-05, 11:59 PM   #10
Pollo Deshuesado
New to RV
 
Pollo Deshuesado's Avatar
 
Posts: 53
Joined: May 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
IP: 870F FA55

I kind of liked you man you dissapointing me...I just say the truth

you bited my lines...... thats outta the question

(and you know that cuz I sent you that email and u said it was whack.. then you bit lines from me)
__________________
"Drink, Smoke, Fuck and Sleep"

<img src="http://www.bestanimations.com/Humans/Skulls/Skull-32.gif">

Sne dawg is biting lines....

"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation."
-Herman Melville-
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-05, 12:01 AM   #11
SNE DAWG
Light Weight
 
SNE DAWG's Avatar
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Apr 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-4
IP: CB51 B4DC

you neva sent me an email......stop sayin crap..........
__________________
"You Gotta Clean Your Life Before You Begin Your Life, You Dumb Nigga" -2Pac-

SHEEP CLUB 4 EVA

<img src="http://www.bestanimations.com/Humans/SkullBones/SkullBones-01.gif">

Keep Votin (Ill RTF)
Me Vs Ax Dogg...Dont listen to the haters..I didnt bite any line...

Me Vs Murdz
Send a message via MSN to SNE DAWG   Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-05, 12:06 AM   #12
Pollo Deshuesado
New to RV
 
Pollo Deshuesado's Avatar
 
Posts: 53
Joined: May 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
IP: 870F FA55

Hater????......you the hater

I'm protecting my lines
__________________
"Drink, Smoke, Fuck and Sleep"

<img src="http://www.bestanimations.com/Humans/Skulls/Skull-32.gif">

Sne dawg is biting lines....

"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation."
-Herman Melville-
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-05, 12:10 AM   #13
SNE DAWG
Light Weight
 
SNE DAWG's Avatar
 
Posts: 172
Joined: Apr 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-4
IP: CB51 B4DC

you know what......fuck this evrybody here knows you a liar am out......(I do hav a life dawg you betta get yourself one n´try to get your ass off the computer)
__________________
"You Gotta Clean Your Life Before You Begin Your Life, You Dumb Nigga" -2Pac-

SHEEP CLUB 4 EVA

<img src="http://www.bestanimations.com/Humans/SkullBones/SkullBones-01.gif">

Keep Votin (Ill RTF)
Me Vs Ax Dogg...Dont listen to the haters..I didnt bite any line...

Me Vs Murdz
Send a message via MSN to SNE DAWG   Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-05, 12:25 AM   #14
B.I.G.
B.I.G.
 
B.I.G.'s Avatar
 
Posts: 1,111
Joined: Apr 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 3-3
IP: 870F FA55

chill out nigga!!!!!!!!!! you bit him and thats all.... now chill and continue ur "life"
__________________


Bizzacckkk
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-05, 03:13 AM   #15
Control Freq
Suspended
 
Control Freq's Avatar
 
Posts: 86
Joined: Jun 2005
From: the streets
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 870F FA55

Kurt Cobain is my grandma
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:28 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.