|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-19-05, 02:19 PM
|
#1
|
||||
|
Given Light
|
Open windows
IP: 4BF1 225F
Open Windows
Death swarms me, I stand upon charred relics of my house Trapped with no where to flee, my spirit once angelic, now doused The flames bright and bloody rupees, so very psychedelic, now a single spouse Laughing fills the warmth of my living room, the yawn and stretch successful Kids playing knowing not of doom, love for my family blooms, peace without hassles They sit on the carpet chuckling make jokes to themselves, quite pleased with ourselves Tired though, pack up and put it back on the shelve, told them “to bed with yourselves” Dreary legs, the last procrastination attempts at delaying bed time, daddy’s tired as well They plead and beg, but I give my denunciations, “end the whine, upstairs dumbbells” A Ned Flanders in the making, devout Christian, no thrilling stories for me to tell… But my christianisation became a motivation for an invitation for an exorcism The devils penetration corrupted my graduation, I lost my wanted edification Discrimination, racism and my spirit were in harmonization, no chance of extermination My imagination ran wild with discrimination against segregations, I trusted corporations Dehumanization started with the contamination of a misinterpretation on a radio station Talking about moral obligation, my conscious, the complete opposite of sanctification. Crazy, I had no where to go, asylums were the devil below Although it seemed he has risen in my fucking soul… My aura aglow with red Lucifer used me as a plateau …I was a television show, and he held the remote Now I lie doomed, upon this single bed in this white room My life never to be resumed, dirt swept away with gods broom Hope is not isolated, I can cross that moat, fuck you I will show Just somebody, please open a damn window. |
||||
|
|
11-19-05, 02:20 PM
|
#2
|
||||
|
Given Light
|
IP: 4BF1 225F
|
||||
|
|
|
11-20-05, 12:05 PM
|
#3
|
||||
|
Given Light
|
IP: 4BF1 225F
Damn it, leave feed you assholes. I'll always rtf. That's for anything, audio, poetry, I'll even vote on text battles.
|
||||
|
|
|
11-21-05, 08:44 AM
|
#4
|
|||||
|
Black Poet
|
IP: 2041 AFC0
Sup Given, this was nice but I felt u tried to hard on this part !!
But my christianisation became a motivation for an invitation for an exorcism The devils penetration corrupted my graduation, I lost my wanted edification Discrimination, racism and my spirit were in harmonization, no chance of extermination My imagination ran wild with discrimination against segregations, I trusted corporations Dehumanization started with the contamination of a misinterpretation on a radio station Talking about moral obligation, my conscious, the complete opposite of sanctification. Don't get me wrong some parts was nice like: Dehumanization started with the contamination of a misinterpretation on a radio station Talking about moral obligation, my conscious, the complete opposite of sanctification I liked what you was saying and I thought it flowed really well,.. but then this bar: But my christianisation became a motivation for an invitation for an exorcism The devils penetration corrupted my graduation, I lost my wanted edification ^it just dont make sense to me^^ explain and I will edit my feed. I like the whole inner flow coz thats how I write when I try, Vocab used well at times but I felt u did over do it. Flowed well but you did lose a lot on the part of the verse I highlighted above. I had to read it 3 times just to get the flow right. This was nice but I have seen a lot better from you,.. stay up and keep writing. 1~ |
|||||
|
|
|
11-21-05, 08:56 AM
|
#5
|
||||
|
New to RV
|
IP: 3240 794D
Nice Given i like the flow / Wordplay and the mutils some of this was very stronger than others i liked it and everything nigga keep it up-
And Check my Open Mic in my sig- |
||||
|
|
|
11-21-05, 10:38 AM
|
#6
|
||||
|
Given Light
|
IP: 4BF1 225F
But my christianisation became a motivation for an invitation for an exorcism
The devils penetration corrupted my graduation, I lost my wanted edification ^it just dont make sense to me^^ explain and I will edit my feed. By becoming christian it makes you more open to the devil wanting to corrupt you, so by saying it was a movivation for an invitation for an exorcism it just shows that in order for an exorcism to happen, you have to become corrupted. Because it was just happening I had to stop becoming christian in order to prevent further corruption. |
||||
|
|
|
11-22-05, 07:56 AM
|
#7
|
|||||
|
Black Poet
|
IP: 2041 AFC0
Yeah I get yeah fam's that makes sense, I wasn't with it yesterday,.. this was
a nice verse uping for feed for G L Stay up 1~ |
|||||
|
|
|
11-22-05, 04:17 PM
|
#8
|
||||
|
Given Light
|
IP: 4BF1 225F
Good stuff, up this thread.
|
||||
|
|
|
11-23-05, 04:39 PM
|
#9
|
||||
|
Given Light
|
IP: 4BF1 225F
Good stuff, up this thread.
|
||||
|
|
|
11-24-05, 03:45 PM
|
#10
|
||||
|
Given Light
|
IP: 4BF1 225F
Good stuff, up this thread.
|
||||
|
|
|
11-25-05, 12:43 PM
|
#11
|
||||
|
Given Light
|
IP: 4BF1 225F
Good stuff, up this thread.
|
||||
|
|
|
11-25-05, 03:11 PM
|
#12
|
|||||
|
Banned: Cheating
|
IP: 2140 E0CE
I liked this piece expect for the beginnin and some parts seemed stressed, like you tried to hard to send your message through. The piece was nicely strucetured and the flow would have been better if some parts that didn't seem to rhyme did. Overall it was nice readin this....keep it up. Check out my drop and rtf homie.
|
|||||
 
|
|
|
11-28-05, 06:31 PM
|
#13
|
|||||
|
The Topical Juggernaut
|
IP: 3211 9052
Whats goin' on bro? Nice drop... bit of feed.
Firstly The opener wasnt so bad, except it was read, in my mind, awkwardly... it might have been the 3 bar rhyming, made it feel like you left it unfinished. Aside from that, your vocab was pretty nice... alittle large, like i'm one to talk heh. People bitch at me all the time for it. But I felt it went with the piece and did it justice. Your emotion was there, however I think you could have elevated it more vividly through more descriptive words, no what im sayin man? The flow was sparse, in my eyes. I'm sure the way you rewad it and the way I did is different. As it stands some parts were choppy to me.  Nice concept, not overly done. Keep the threads pumpin' bro. RTF in one of my links in my Sig. Peace.
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate  The unexamined life is not worth living.
|
|||||
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
