why don't you make me oh wait u said you'd do dat and yet i gave u the full address but u still sittin behind your pc so do me a favor and stfu bitch i can say wut the fuck i want 2 say when i fuckin wanna say it now stay out my thread if u aint leavin real post and not talkin shit,bullshit and hatin....u wanna hate go 2 the beef threads asshole

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my new shit peep

c'mon rv fuck these bitch made hataz give me sum honest real feed i'll rtf i already dropped sum lines on like 5-6 of u peeps here in rv uppin this don't sleep peace

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my new shit peep

First off ur lines are way too long, i had a hard time reading it. Since the lines are too long that means ur flow is off, so the things u trying to tell are gonna come off very choppy. In this nothing really stood out for me. You do have some nice rhymes in this, but i think if u worked on ur structure, then it would come out a lot better. The vocab u used in this was aight, really nothing special tho. But thats all i got to say man, keep working at it tho. Peace.

thanx for the real feed homie i know i be writin my lines too long...i got a lot 2 say and my problem is tryin 2 say it all in 1 rhyme feel me?...can someone help me? instead of all these bitch made hataz just talking shit and someone actually fulfill the whole point of this site? holla back peace

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my new shit peep

Well your vocab and creativity isnt all that, but that improves with time.

Your main focus right now should be improving your structure and learning not to use unnecessary words... Your lines may look extremely long, but theyre actually not as stretched as people have been saying. Ill show you what I mean using an excerpt from your piece.

"abc to the 123 simple english mathematics,these actors clownin my rhymes,
but im bringin dat drama like cinematics,its tragic,writin balistics,tweakin
they characteristics,rising above the hectic hate,debate my philosiphy,
cuz these hataz aint stoppin me so i blow'em away like i do the smoke from chronic,isn't it ironic,these moronic idiots cant see my diabolical scheme is demonic//"

should be

"abc to the 123, simple english mathematics,
these actors clownin my rhymes, but I bring drama like cinematics,
its tragic, writin balistics, tweakin they characteristics,
here is a flow error. this should be another "istics" rhyme line.
rising above the hectic hate, debate my philosiphy,
need more syllables cuz these hataz aint stoppin me
so i blow'em away like i do the smoke from chronic, isn't it ironic...
these moronic idiots cant see my scheme is demonic"

See how much easier to read that is? And with those flow fixes it flows a lot better too, but its essentially the same shit that you wrote just structured and worded slightly different.

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nice lyrical flow but u need a lil work homie but keep doin u an thashit dat u keep yo heart into might turn into somthang big................

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LINKS TO MY SONGS:
http://www.soundclick.com/Car Shows...id=3438907&q=lo

Tha Battle (Tech Skillz Diss 2)
Tech Skillz Diss
Fuk Tha Rules

wow im amazed that fo one post onemanband that u actually come out to me real thanx for the real feed n same 2 u homie thanx for the reply the unknown(uk) uppin this i got anotha 1 comin soon jus gotta finish the second verse holla uppin

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my new shit peep

Lol do you not proof reed? Structure is everywhere, try and pick a steady line length... Prefferably one on the shorter side to make the piece flow better. Grammar... *Babbles like an idiot* I'm not even going to get into that. Lets just leave it at, ebonics have no place in textual hip-hop unless the piece is directly about just that. And overall the whole 'Take Over' concept is sooooo over played and you didn't have anything in this to make yours stand out above the rest of the ones that have been done.

hmmm yea allik imma have to agree w/ da rest of 'em on dis one.........structure was WAY off.....it threw da flow off just a tad bit......didnt c very good vocab in dis one.......i think u can do betta than dis...otha than dat dis was an iight piece tho.....keep up da work pa....1