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Old 06-19-03, 03:58 PM   #1
sthash
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thoughts on my verse

IP: 34BF DD77

Walking lost on the pavement ,a Bad mind engagement//
Dark souls that start brawls to box your arrangements//
Death rolls My mind is settled by enragements//
Heckle on your statements like a rebel wit no patient//
My insecurities~reside so my feelings dun seem blatant//
Drink impurities~ ride I'm sipping misery wit Satan//
My entities have taken each struggle by hand//
I meet each struggle by the muscles of my hand//
Ignorance, some manz don't understand, money got dem strang//
Poverty stricken fams from economy-ridden scams//
Moneys got u strang in the mist of the land //
Man made money, money man prang//
I cant stand my inner demons, I deal wit opponents //
And as a black man I feel like a piece of shit in a field of roses//
Monotonous droning keeps my thoughts impose from exploding//
Revealed as the omen, my rhymes r ideal for the quoting //
Emotions deposes, I return with scriptures of moshes//
To leave Egyptians in exodus on, concealed mixture supposes //
That my voice if apposing a threat //
I feel brokin-n-vexed, my dicks choking these skets//
Flowing through existence and sail-to-the-left//
Life is a journey I hope I aint failed-in-my-quest//
I'm held-on-dis-stress walking through hell//
talk to myself, i feel the pain impaled-on my-creaps//
Fell like I've been held by the head and crucified wit a nail-in-my-chest//
I'm trapped and jail-by-dis-shit it cud bring a tear-2-my-I//
But in mind of timid emotions, I lack the feelings to cry//
You cant see the fear in my eye, dis shit beats me inside//
No peace in my mind, fuck insecurities dat eat my alive //
My insecurities cuds beat and leave me to die//
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Old 06-20-03, 10:15 AM   #2
$pittin~Quik
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that shit was aight son....just work on it some more aight,,,.,, good shit though and post this in the right place like the open mic forum aight.........
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Old 06-20-03, 12:33 PM   #3
G. Buttersworth
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this was a dope verse. you had some good structure, the vocab was ight, and the multis defintly had you up there in rank.

what i can suggest, is get deeper within your bars..

like the shit with the roses line... it was a dope line which you could of got deeper into..and flipped some ill shit....

other than that.. you got some talent... drop open mic pieces.. and keep doint the damn thing.
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