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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-03-03, 01:49 PM
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#1
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Veteran
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Real Horror and Pain
IP: FF89 3C60
Sitting alone, I...
Contemplate why... Everything went away. So I can try... To say good bye... And somehow be ok. Never again will... I feel anything till... I come to terms with this. But the voice so shrill... Penetrates like a drill... It's message always persists. I'm now all alone... I can hear myself moan... My soul has been cut out... Sliced to the bone... By a call on the phone... The facts left me no doubt. Speed should of slowed... But it was a slippery road... And the guardrail came apart... A police report showed... Impact made it explode... Incinerating what's in my heart. How can they be gone... My two beautiful swans... I need them, are they unaware? Love can't be withdrawn... So to their graves I'm drawn... Laying across two mounds in despair. But I've brought a friend... It's gonna help me mend... All the scars this has brought me. As a flash brings to end... My soul's hand extends... As I join them and again become happy. This is, thank God, not something I went through. But I'm sure husbands and fathers go through it everyday somewhere... This is for them. I'm sorry. Shit Happens by kevx301 1st Critique Me and A Mic by LM 2nd Critique Just a Whack Little Verse by MCM 3rd Critique
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Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T. For my convenience, not yours! Last edited by Born To Kill : 11-03-03 at 03:08 PM. |
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11-03-03, 03:10 PM
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#2
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Veteran
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IP: FF89 3C60
Peep this, godammnit!
Peace
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Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T. For my convenience, not yours! |
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11-03-03, 07:57 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
HONESTLY I LIKE THE MEANING BUT THE DELIVERY AS MUCH..IT SEAMED VERY BASIC
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11-03-03, 08:02 PM
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#4
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Light Weight
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IP: 4577 CD9A
I beg to differ with WORD~PERFECT....I thought this piece brought depth
This piece seemed more like a poem, but it's all good...the piece was fuckin ill! The structure was simple...but you told an entire small story without saying too much....much like a poem as I've said...but you got your point out across with good vocab and rhyme scheme...good lookin on this piece right here! I
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"Knowledge is intelligence. Intelligence is power. Mind is music, but music is forever." - Trip Marxx <font color="red"><font face="comic sans"><center>An you thought I was wack?</center></font> <h2><font color="blue"><center>-- Merkin You One Line At A Time --</font></center></h> <center>www.soundclick.com/tripmarxx</center> |
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11-04-03, 09:32 AM
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#5
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Veteran
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IP: FF89 3C60
Thanks, Marxx...
That's exactly what I was going for, man. Simple and basic. Cuz, seriously... If ya wife and kid just died... Ya ain't looking for complex dictionary words... I would imagine your thoughts and mind are pretty fucking tired. I appreciate your input, Thanks. Word~Perfect, Sorry ya didn't like it, my man.
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Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T. For my convenience, not yours! |
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11-04-03, 11:12 AM
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#6
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Banned: Permanent
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IP: 3A1D AC66
It Was Short.. New Style.. It Worked
I Liked It.. Depth Could Have Been More But Creativity Took Up For It.. Nice Piece Glad To See You Elevated In Topicals My Man Please Hit Mine Up In Return http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...?threadid=89500 |
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11-04-03, 02:33 PM
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#7
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New to RB
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IP: 954A E2C5
mmm... it feld like a poetry piece...nice wordplay and shit
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