good topic.....good flow...good imagery....good vocab.....good errthing...good piece here....keep it up...looking forward to part 2......good job....9/10.....RTF in mah sig.....

thanx dawg

uppin....

Yo this was nice you came pretty good I aint never read a OM from you before until today but yo this was nice keep it up 7.5/10!

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Tony Green's Soundclick

yo yo... check it......
the whole thing had good vocab, good flow, good story and good topic.....
this isnt really a song.... more of a story/poetry.... and i'm really not big into that..... so i cant leave any more feedback about it..............

overall 8/10

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nice drop by both of ya'll..i can see imagery, and a very nice flow by obth..overall nice drop y both..


plaese peep my link in my sig..

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Thanx.....................ive got 2 more OMs to drop,thats like 4 in 5days, some peeps drop 1 every month!!!!

uppin.....

Okay, this was a nice concept you went with but in my opinion, it would've been a lot better if Mad Knight wrote from the man's perspective and mizz fyre kept her verse as it is now. Just think it would've made a stronger piece.

Mad Knight: you improved on those rhyming words, two times it didn't quite work: "patience - desperation" and "people - simple". Other than that, it was fine, maybe bit basic at times but overall solid. Had some grammatical errors (such as "now pasted", think you mean "now passed"). The emotion was good, had some insightful lines and decent imagery. Solid work

mizz fyre: you keep dropping consistenly I suppose, the emotion was good. I like how you expressed the doubts inside her head and such. The imagery was there, especially the last part was nicely worded. The vocab was decent, might be worded differently here and there. Flow was okay, no problems with the rhyming words or grammatical side of it all so no comments on that

Keep it up both of you!

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uppin...................

This was nice... I liked the concept.

With two people collabing on a thing like this it would have been dope to have both perspectives... But what you did still works.

Mad Knight: Flow was real square... not square as in uncool, but like.. rigid. It was there, but the length of the lines was a bit long so I sort of missed it.. Just didnt seem fluid... -_-. To improve it, try using multis occasionally, making syllable counts better and maybe adding some inners here and there.

All other elements were pretty sound... Vocab needs to be expanded a bit.. practice does that.

It was dope though. 8/10

Mizz Fyre: You know what you're doing.. dont really have anything to tell you.

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uhmm, word up..woulda been cool if you had mad knight as the other person, you know?

but whatever, still worked, MK, uhmm, flow was choppy a lil.....not too big of a deal though, don't use so much commas, when you do, that obstructs alot......not bad though, liked your other ones more though......keep writing

MF, word, told very much like a story, very involving, good job, keep up,,,,,you know what you're doing

rtf on this http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=206108

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^^^thanx for the feed ya'll..........

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Oh Snap! This Was Some Real Good Shit Here I Was Digging The Whole Thing Through Out The Whole Song Man Real Deep Shit Here.Flow Was Nice Man Vocabulary Was Done Well I Can Tell You Put Effort Into This Piece Man Keep At It Yo Looking Forward To Our Collab.

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it was nice....good imagery....strutcure and flow was iight.......it was good collab I liked it.......emotion was there as well as good imagery everything was on point it was a lil nice OM I give it a 8/10.......i was feelin both verses....nothing to rag on nice piece ya'll RTF please

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A LIFE OF CHRYME

i will later

THanx for all the feed

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