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Old 09-23-05, 09:58 PM   #1
Payn
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yea real good joint here vocab was good, structure was on point, very creative, imagery was there also but 2 b honest wut did u do wit my piece i sent u in ya email ...on here holla at me
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Old 09-24-05, 01:31 AM   #2
Mentalz
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Still got it for our for our collab we're doin' silly.
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Old 09-24-05, 06:38 PM   #3
Paranoid
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i like this lil om, stucture was real good and as was your flow. the vocabulary was used a lot in this one, emotion coulda been upped though. you coulda brought more creativty, if your gonna use all that vocabulary you might as well put it to work and add some eternal multiples in there. theres no point in all that vocab without multiples ya know. imagery was very good. just a nice lil piece man

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Old 09-24-05, 08:51 PM   #4
shaft 26
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Paranoid THATS WHAT i'M TALKING ABOUT FYOUR YOU RESPONDED TO THIS POST BUT TO MINE YOU SAID WHACK ASS BULL SHIT THIS IS WHAT I WANT FUCK THAT NOT BEING EQUAL TO EVERYBODY SHIT
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Old 09-25-05, 03:03 AM   #5
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^lmao @ OP. Thanks for the feeds guys.
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Old 09-26-05, 03:46 PM   #6
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Uppin' one last time. Would appreciate any real feedback I get before this thread rolls off the page from neglect. (ALL feeds will be returned in-depth)
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Old 09-27-05, 06:15 AM   #7
shaft 26
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move slowly and groove holy got a smooth rolly on my arm with a strong alarm like a Viper on a car while in the cypher far above the rest a thug at best trying to hustle in battle and rusle cattle like them cowboys but somehow toys with minds like Psychologists, so I'm at my house MENTALZ down in South Central trying to carjack a fool with plan corrupt "yo dawg throw you hand up toss them nice keys or or a lost of life frreeze don't move"
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Old 09-27-05, 03:40 PM   #8
TonyTone
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Wow, feelin the flow, the multies really make it alot better, the structure was good as was the rhyme scheme but creativity was lacking a bit, vocab was good but maybe a bit overused considering some places didnt really make sense, coulda put more emotion into it woulda made the imagery better but it was still pretty good though
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Old 09-27-05, 07:46 PM   #9
Ryda
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good structure and good vocab that was good dont stop writing
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Old 09-28-05, 11:44 PM   #10
Willa
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rise ill return feedback for thsi peice too
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Old 09-29-05, 07:33 PM   #11
Big_O
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I liked it man and strong vocab 8/10
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Old 09-29-05, 11:55 PM   #12
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really liked this, emotion was excellent, flow and structure were good also, overall this was a good read from top to bottom, keep it up
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Old 11-14-05, 04:01 PM   #13
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Your opener is the best part in my personal opinon about your open mic. Solid structure the whole way through, some good internal rhyming with your words. This is a bit of a played topic to write on but you made good use of it. Imagery was good in this but for sure, opener and closers you nailed. Props on this piece.
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