Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
11-06-05, 06:01 PM | #16 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: E0AB 9D96
Uppin' for a few more feeds.. This piece shoudlnt be getting slept on.
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Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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11-07-05, 07:26 PM | #17 | |||||
A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 9077 C34E
wow is the only way i can put this
you had excellent imagery and emotion...best ive seen in a while...even though you wrote for a wrong topic still managed to come wit a ill verse....nice structure and flow..this was an overall top piece...not that long but quite entertaining dawg...keep this shit up....9.9/10...woulda been better if you sticked to the topic I GAVE LOL
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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11-08-05, 12:39 AM | #18 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: A2CF 2639
rofl, I agree man. Thanks for the feed.
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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11-08-05, 01:41 AM | #19 | ||||||
Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
multis are solid, emotion is thick. nice over all peice.
bit of crit take time to go back thru your peice and use descriptive words or adjective's at the start of lines for instance... gracefully stand surrounded & hounded with peers I've known for years ... awkwardlly each day I wander home to my Grandmother's unyeilding tears emtionally shovel my fears so I can inhale the stale poisen from my boy's an' ... Uphold my riddled poise above the clouds of toxic ridden joy's ... The words I have used my not fir into the peice,cuase im unsure of your thoughts while writing it, but replacing words like I with a emotion or action can up the level of your writting instantly. I notice you did start to do it thru out, but alot more thought and time into your peices and they will be dope rtf in my latest open mic near the top somewere. peace. |
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11-08-05, 09:45 PM | #20 | ||||
Given Light
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IP: 4BF1 225F
Finally, a nice drop. Flowed well, and it seemed to feel the emotion off this. Descriptive language was present, and I liked the plot of this, and the complexity was a nice change. Your opener to me was the best part, props.
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11-13-05, 06:41 PM | #21 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: D35B 3F85
Thanks for the feeds guys, appreciate it.
Hittin' up some of your work in return. Uppin.
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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11-22-05, 02:18 PM | #22 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: E0AB 9D96
Uppin' for the last time .. appreciate the attention thus far.
Will RTF. Peace.
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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11-23-05, 07:25 AM | #23 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
Sup Mental this was a nice drop fams,.. I like the structure u used coz
I feel it make the verse easy to read and makes it flow a lot better. multis was well nice, with some really nice emotion, this was a proper decent verse. Stay up fams 1~ |
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11-24-05, 01:06 AM | #24 | |||||||
STROBE's Favorite Rapper
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IP: 3240 794D
o.k first off feedback is meant to help someone elevate so look for the small problems so someone can reach perfection.hence why i always give honest feedback.this was good above averge even but a 10/10?no no and no to see examples of a 10/10 check out invisions work.anyways vocab is good but overdone it loses the reader and therefore makes it difficult to follow along.with vocab its tricky you gotta make that balance just right try to concentrate less on big words and more on imagery.the big words seemed forced and also hurt your syllabel count making this a decent poetry drop but something that would never flow correctly to a beat.overall this was like i said above averge by rv standards and preety much a well thought out piece.i personally enjoyed it but feel it needs a little more work before being completed.try lenghthing it as well for a more overall factor to draw the reader into it.
6.5/10
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Overall Rapverse Record Including Leagues 94-29
R.I.P RAPVERSE
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11-24-05, 02:28 AM | #25 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: E0AB 9D96
Thanks Cali I appreciate it alot. I tend to not change my pieces once i've "finished" them, however, I will take your help into my next pieces. Thanks again fams.
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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11-24-05, 02:42 AM | #26 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: E0AB 9D96
One thing i've always wondered... how is "vocab" judged? I mean. theres not very many words in this piece I DONT use in a normal conversation. It seems to me some people have broader expanses of vocab that they use; are use to using and find it natural to incorporate it in there work. Not my fault 3rd grade drop outs have to buy a dictionary (not dissin anyone by any means).
Cali, I got about 1/2 threw My Nation, owever im tired as shit im going to crit tomarrow. Peace.
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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11-24-05, 07:44 AM | #27 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
To me good vocab is when u use really unusal words, and like CALI said a lot
of people seem to think that good vocab is a use of big words I dont think thats the case, It just kills your flow. Use unusal words in place of something perdictable, try using a Thesaurus to build up your vocab, but just make sure u use the right words a the right time I have seen lads of people attempt to do this but use the wrong word. Hope this helps stay up Ment 1~ |
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11-24-05, 06:12 PM | #28 | |||||||
STROBE's Favorite Rapper
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IP: 28AD 5545
^word exactly how i wouldve put it here.not big words just unexpected words its called symantics.it greatly improves your work in all aspects once mastered.
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Overall Rapverse Record Including Leagues 94-29
R.I.P RAPVERSE
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11-24-05, 07:16 PM | #29 | ||||
leave you rest'n pz's
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IP: 34E4 9FE7
i enjoyed the first couple para's, but like cali said
your vocab was a little excessive at points, sa'll good thou, for the most part i was impressed....good job mentalz keep it up....
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i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts what the fuck, was you high..? did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...! . . fake fucks..move on...! |
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11-25-05, 06:57 AM | #30 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: CF74 5D3A
ILL like the planet Andromeda but my romantic thermometer need
Calibrations, flow grace rhymes a showcase a barometer’s creed Proper like a doctor I prescribe drugs, see jive scrubs but from A tribe of thugs just shot five slugs and still had to run in the slums Gunplay every Sunday true church is too much have to preach To reach cats, heart all broken but like a small token on streets With a donation in this flow situation like a baby awoken from sleep Look in my bill fold ill and bold then pay whack rent after sacrament Some cats sad and very phony like a bad ceremony your facts are bent |
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