Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
08-17-05, 02:08 PM | #16 | ||||||
-Not On My Level-
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IP: 2027 DE23
good topic.....good flow...good imagery....good vocab.....good errthing...good piece here....keep it up...looking forward to part 2......good job....9/10.....RTF in mah sig.....
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08-17-05, 04:53 PM | #17 | |||||||
©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
thanx dawg
uppin.... |
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08-17-05, 05:13 PM | #18 | ||||
~Real Rookie Of The Year~
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IP: 7BE2 A0A1
Yo this was nice you came pretty good I aint never read a OM from you before until today but yo this was nice keep it up 7.5/10!
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08-17-05, 06:06 PM | #19 | |||||
Business Not Personal
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IP: 6645 381F
yo yo... check it......
the whole thing had good vocab, good flow, good story and good topic..... this isnt really a song.... more of a story/poetry.... and i'm really not big into that..... so i cant leave any more feedback about it.............. overall 8/10
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08-17-05, 07:43 PM | #20 | ||||||
HAHAHAHAH!..i onno
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IP: 1D2D 3134
nice drop by both of ya'll..i can see imagery, and a very nice flow by obth..overall nice drop y both..
plaese peep my link in my sig..
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08-17-05, 09:07 PM | #21 | |||||||
©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
Thanx.....................ive got 2 more OMs to drop,thats like 4 in 5days, some peeps drop 1 every month!!!!
uppin..... |
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08-18-05, 12:43 PM | #22 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: C9A2 1C80
Okay, this was a nice concept you went with but in my opinion, it would've been a lot better if Mad Knight wrote from the man's perspective and mizz fyre kept her verse as it is now. Just think it would've made a stronger piece.
Mad Knight: you improved on those rhyming words, two times it didn't quite work: "patience - desperation" and "people - simple". Other than that, it was fine, maybe bit basic at times but overall solid. Had some grammatical errors (such as "now pasted", think you mean "now passed"). The emotion was good, had some insightful lines and decent imagery. Solid work mizz fyre: you keep dropping consistenly I suppose, the emotion was good. I like how you expressed the doubts inside her head and such. The imagery was there, especially the last part was nicely worded. The vocab was decent, might be worded differently here and there. Flow was okay, no problems with the rhyming words or grammatical side of it all so no comments on that Keep it up both of you!
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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08-24-05, 10:36 AM | #23 | |||||||
©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
uppin...................
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08-26-05, 06:42 AM | #24 | |||||
I have a lot to learn...
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IP: C98F 1FA2
This was nice... I liked the concept.
With two people collabing on a thing like this it would have been dope to have both perspectives... But what you did still works. Mad Knight: Flow was real square... not square as in uncool, but like.. rigid. It was there, but the length of the lines was a bit long so I sort of missed it.. Just didnt seem fluid... -_-. To improve it, try using multis occasionally, making syllable counts better and maybe adding some inners here and there. All other elements were pretty sound... Vocab needs to be expanded a bit.. practice does that. It was dope though. 8/10 Mizz Fyre: You know what you're doing.. dont really have anything to tell you.
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08-26-05, 12:24 PM | #25 | |||||
in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
uhmm, word up..woulda been cool if you had mad knight as the other person, you know?
but whatever, still worked, MK, uhmm, flow was choppy a lil.....not too big of a deal though, don't use so much commas, when you do, that obstructs alot......not bad though, liked your other ones more though......keep writing MF, word, told very much like a story, very involving, good job, keep up,,,,,you know what you're doing rtf on this http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=206108
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08-26-05, 12:29 PM | #26 | |||
**the council**
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IP: 2E65 2D46
^^^thanx for the feed ya'll..........
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08-28-05, 07:09 PM | #27 | ||||
Torching You All
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IP: 3240 794D
Oh Snap! This Was Some Real Good Shit Here I Was Digging The Whole Thing Through Out The Whole Song Man Real Deep Shit Here.Flow Was Nice Man Vocabulary Was Done Well I Can Tell You Put Effort Into This Piece Man Keep At It Yo Looking Forward To Our Collab.
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Lord, Forgive Me Ft Sabotage Something Like That-Ft Torch Summer Nights-Ft Troch Super G's Ft Oreo The Council
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08-28-05, 07:26 PM | #28 | |||||
A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 7BE2 A0A1
it was nice....good imagery....strutcure and flow was iight.......it was good collab I liked it.......emotion was there as well as good imagery everything was on point it was a lil nice OM I give it a 8/10.......i was feelin both verses....nothing to rag on nice piece ya'll RTF please
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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08-28-05, 07:29 PM | #29 | |||||||
©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
i will later
THanx for all the feed bump... |
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