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Old 09-10-03, 07:41 PM   #1
XEastSide_QueenX
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Posts: 124
From: Grand Rapids, Michigan
The beginning of the End

IP:

Sorry this is another 'repeating' poem, it's juss the style I like ...



For every blossoming rose, there is a rose that dies
For every child that smiles, there is a miserable child that cries
For every bright, sunny day, there are tornadoes and rain that fall
For every broken leg, a new baby learns to crawl

For every tear that drops, there is a blissful smile
For every suicide, someone else finds that life is worth while
For every mourning death, a new child is born
For every page of the Bible, there is a website full of porn

For every broken heart, there is a heart that finds true love
For every hunted animal, there is a beautiful flying dove
For every hateful fight, there is a couple getting married
For every new born child, there is a person getting burried

For every drive-by shooting, there is a group of friends
For every new beginning is just the beginning of the end...
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Old 09-10-03, 08:33 PM   #2
Stark
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From: Chi
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Nice poem, had a good flow to it and it was well organized.
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Old 09-11-03, 12:46 PM   #3
emde
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a few grammatical errors and I see alot of repeating nouns .... mix in some synonyms and you can take it up a knotch. peace
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Old 09-13-03, 01:45 AM   #4
phoenix808
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From: the darkest corners of my mind
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I liked it. The repeating motiff never really get old to me if it's done well, and this one does. I like the line

For every new beginning is just the beginning of the end...

It just sounds really cool.

peace
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Old 09-16-03, 07:26 PM   #5
varentao
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Yeah. This was unrelenting and rigid in it's style and meaning. The quite elementary yet well put together imagery was nice to read.

But the way you ended it made it a bit more than that. It rounded it off in a slightly echoing way...though not executed as good as it could've been. The overall effect was still there...

...resp...
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Old 09-17-03, 07:50 AM   #6
vinesoto
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I thought taht poem was realy weel written and it is so true. i like the repetetive-ness. i thoguht it was well thought out.very good. i look forward to seeing more of this
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