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09-10-03, 07:41 PM | #1 | ||
Registered User
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The beginning of the End
IP:
Sorry this is another 'repeating' poem, it's juss the style I like ...
For every blossoming rose, there is a rose that dies For every child that smiles, there is a miserable child that cries For every bright, sunny day, there are tornadoes and rain that fall For every broken leg, a new baby learns to crawl For every tear that drops, there is a blissful smile For every suicide, someone else finds that life is worth while For every mourning death, a new child is born For every page of the Bible, there is a website full of porn For every broken heart, there is a heart that finds true love For every hunted animal, there is a beautiful flying dove For every hateful fight, there is a couple getting married For every new born child, there is a person getting burried For every drive-by shooting, there is a group of friends For every new beginning is just the beginning of the end...
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Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned They're only powerful when you got your back turned I yearn for the day I finally meet them again So I can give them all a taste of their own medicine ¤ 3ast Sid3 ¤ http://hometown.aol.com/jjbootaylicious |
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09-10-03, 08:33 PM | #2 | ||
New to RB
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IP:
Nice poem, had a good flow to it and it was well organized.
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09-11-03, 12:46 PM | #3 | |
Guest
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IP:
a few grammatical errors and I see alot of repeating nouns .... mix in some synonyms and you can take it up a knotch. peace
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09-13-03, 01:45 AM | #4 | ||
New to RB
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IP:
I liked it. The repeating motiff never really get old to me if it's done well, and this one does. I like the line
For every new beginning is just the beginning of the end... It just sounds really cool. peace
__________________
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams. |
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09-16-03, 07:26 PM | #5 | |
Guest
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IP:
Yeah. This was unrelenting and rigid in it's style and meaning. The quite elementary yet well put together imagery was nice to read.
But the way you ended it made it a bit more than that. It rounded it off in a slightly echoing way...though not executed as good as it could've been. The overall effect was still there... ...resp... |
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09-17-03, 07:50 AM | #6 | |
Guest
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IP:
I thought taht poem was realy weel written and it is so true. i like the repetetive-ness. i thoguht it was well thought out.very good. i look forward to seeing more of this
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