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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-12-04, 06:33 PM
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#1
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1E
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Typing Rhymes
IP: 509D 5063
Im sat here thinking on the brink of reality In a world, consumed… in a fallacy Sporadically writing scripts like a new… new testament But in reverse cos it’s really flipped irrelevant Gotta be malevolent… cos it s living straight ripped lines Giving false finds… with its modern metal Just cos the detector beeps, don’t mean the glory revels Don’t let it embezzle… consume… its partial being The closet room, in the vast mansion… not all freeing Without foreseeing… Im feeling quick its grip The noose, tight or loose… it’s in your own finger tips Virtual tricks mean shit… it’s a world of physicality Of man-to-man mortality… so shed some perspective Have plans other than to span cyber’s collective Be inventive… reach for realms beyond your grasp The contrast is electric… cos solitary typing is digressive Remember…moderation is effective… don’t tip the balance Cos life out weighs typed play’s entrapments Its nice to relay… but too much is like flatulence It repeats… gets you know where… it embarrasses Its just deceit… your life halts, but the rest keeps moving And while your fine tuning… the worlds cruising Some say it’s intruding, eluding… but I say escapism Im using… you might call it plagiarism So listen, cos very word is spoken… but not aimed at him… Or aimed at you… it’s preferential to the whim I enjoy it… but it’s by no means my most important thing Yes… On my list of priorities…. its floating on the wing Last edited by Dev : 02-13-04 at 05:37 AM. |
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02-12-04, 07:24 PM
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#2
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1E
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IP: DF7B C8F7
no sleeping...........
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02-13-04, 04:06 AM
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#3
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1E
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IP: DF7B C8F7
wtf....
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02-13-04, 04:09 AM
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#4
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Da KiNg Of PwNaGe
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IP: D154 1BD3
Alright...peice flowed pretty nice throughout..Good use of vocab...actually very good use of vacab....The peice gave me sort of a dreary feelin while reading it...Dunno if that was intentional...But a nice peice...Keep it up
Please vote on this...Can you drop battle links in open Mic? http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113978 |
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02-13-04, 04:13 AM
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#5
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: A560 AB42
not bad..
mad vocab in this..i had to read it a few times so i can run it through smoothly.. this had its good points and its low points.. the fallacy part was tight...but towards the middle i was beginning to doze off...it might be cuz its 1:11.. but nonetheless it kinda didnt hit my imagery nerve.. u came stronger in the end..more feeling to it.. more meaning...cool shit.. peace.. |
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02-13-04, 07:08 AM
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#6
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1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
thnx for the feedback...... anymore
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02-13-04, 07:18 AM
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#7
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New to RB
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IP: BD1D A6D4
nice drop here the vocab was nice but sleep where in there it made sleepy until i got to end of it other than that the ending and beginning was nice
__________________
" Quote:
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02-13-04, 04:42 PM
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#8
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1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
uppin this....
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02-13-04, 04:51 PM
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#9
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Guest
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IP: 4514 2C8C
--[Flow]---
Flow was dope...think you had some mad internals and alot of complex/depthful rhymes, you preventing from a simplistic approach which was nice...: "The noose, tight or loose… it’s in your own finger tips Virtual tricks mean shit… it’s a world of physicality Of man-to-man mortality… so shed some perspective Have plans other than to span cyber’s collective" - thought it was well dope. Got a sort of slow paced feel to this...beacuse of the way you structured it. --[Vocab]-- Vocab was tight, was spaced out well and refrained from over and underusing it, it fitted an flowed in nicely, keeping the piece consistant and fluent throughout. Looked like it had alot of thought into it 'cos words were inserted professionally. --[Concept]-- Didn't think the imagry hit as hard as it should have, and yes, it did sort of lose it's appeal in the middle although picked it up again around this line: "Some say it’s intruding, eluding… but I say escapism".... Felt that you were tired, distressed maybe....? --[Overall]-- Overall this was a good piece...flow was fluent and the vocab was well executed..although the imagry was lacking, it was still a good read..3/5. |
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02-13-04, 04:55 PM
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#10
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New to RB
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IP: C1DA C961
Nice work,your vocab is certainly impressive,your wordplay was awesome too.
I wasn't so fond of your structure,but it woked out. I'm looking forward to seeing more.
__________________
Have We Met Before? Acro Nim ...
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02-13-04, 05:24 PM
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#11
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1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
why thank you
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02-13-04, 05:42 PM
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#12
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New to RB
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IP: EC0B 84C7
Its a tight flow , what really catches my eye is the vocabulary used , the way my styles are kicked.
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02-13-04, 06:19 PM
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#13
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: 6236 079F
this piece was sexy...ya imagery wasn't as good as usual...but ya flow was on point...as was the vocab...and the imagery was still good...so overall this was a dope piece...so keep doin' ya thing...even though you just a big soft head fruitloop face...lol...
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02-14-04, 07:32 AM
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#14
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1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
^^lmao... ok
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02-14-04, 10:14 AM
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#15
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: C1DA C961
Once again..and agian..you put out quailty material...I think this maybe one of the best I've read from you in a while...your imagery really stood out on this piece..your vocab and wordplay is always thier but..your imagery really stood out..Good job!!
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as his sweat pounded the ground and left burnt black marks on the path as he walked towards me with crimson-like skin and universal black horns and as he reached for my lifeless corpse a black-robed figure that was hard to discern whispered to me "Your days are numbered".
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