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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-01-04, 02:37 AM
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#1
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New to RB
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Deranged (A poem of my crazed breakdowns)
IP: AF3D 05DD
(Yes, I know I have more then 3 topics on here now...but...this place is slow and the one on the bottom is almost on page two...so...deal with it.)
Grievous tears slip down my forlorn face, and pain stricken through out my oppressed soul. The mourning candle lit to dim, and baneful images flash through out my whole. My friend and I sit in my agonized room, and words slip from my tongue And my friend feeds from my puny veins, and slowly sucks the oxygen from my lung. My debauched blood slowly trickles down her sharp teeth, and drips solemnly on the floor She mocks the life that lives with in me, and I simply yell back “I can’t take it anymore” Her laugh though so quiet echoes deeply with in my pounding ears, as it trails in only further And she scorns the day that I was born, but she, gently I stroke, for I could never hurt her. She briskly steals away my life’s blood, with each drink my heart beats more heavily She pompously smiles as she looks deep with in my eyes, as she slurps now more steadily. My lungs, I feel them heave for air and with each breath only more do they shudder And my friend only laughs more viciously, “Cursed the day I was brought forth by my mother!” My mirror reflects a monster, fictitious to the mortal’s reality, which by my friend was bore away But my heart shan’t beat to the same rhythm any longer, and my vision tediously slips a stray To a realm of desire and of deceit, and to where my friend only flouts of me more But there upon my pupil is of my past, and there I see my friend and myself lying upon the floor Her lips, now so red, as she lies defunct in my palms, you see her marks still there from her final kiss And blood still lavishes her body, but now she seems mute, unlike the final time her jagged edge had met my wrist. Deranged.  (A picture I took...a poetic pose...in relation to my piece...)
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Last edited by Idyllic Queen : 08-01-04 at 02:48 AM. |
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08-01-04, 04:44 AM
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#2
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Vendetta the K.O. King
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IP: 78D8 9CA9
two comments. 1 - I didn't know what "flout" meant. "To a realm of desire and of deceit, and to where my friend only flouts of me more" So I had to hit dictionary.com. lol - good word usage and vocab depth. 2 - Is your "friend" a metaphor for a hidden personality within yourself? Either way - exceptional poem, although I think cutting yourself is a weird way to find ones self. I think there are a hundred more ways to define your being, and express yourself to yourself. But thats me. Either way - good drop.
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08-01-04, 09:15 AM
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#3
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New to RB
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IP: E932 022E
Lol, well...my friend is the knife...and I am so insane while I am cutting...that I yell at it...but it seems to only mock me & thirst for my blood more and more. And I was cursed the day I was brought forth by my mother....uhm....
Quote:
She scorns the day I was born by cutting me..as I stroke her handle...because I need here to gt rid of the emotional pain...becaus Id rather deal with the physical.
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08-01-04, 01:58 PM
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#4
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Vendetta the K.O. King
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IP: 78D8 9CA9
aaaaaawwww. I see. lol - still weird to me. But thats why art is interpritive. I see different things from it. I think you got a mad challenge to overcome your weakness to it (the knife), and I think you sub-consciously understand that and thats why you write about it. On paper the knife can't see how you feel about it, or that you know it mocks you, and you're trying to explain your submissiveness to anyone who will hear. But again thats me psyhcologically profiling and trying to understand the artist, and maybe im way off. But again - everyone sees the world different right.
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08-01-04, 07:44 PM
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#5
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COLD
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IP: 5671 DBDD
Ok 2 Things One If I Ever See You I Will Run No Matter How Pretty You Are You Crazy.2 Good Poem Nice Vocab And I Got Quickly What You Was Talking About.one!!
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A.I Quote:
AIN'T THAT THE PURPOSE OF THE SITE? |
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08-02-04, 01:40 AM
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#7
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Light Weight
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IP: 66F2 AB19
ay...nice drop...nice vocab in dat...and crazy good imagery...liked dat...showed part of u that nobody else would've known about...keep it comin peace
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08-02-04, 01:26 PM
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#9
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$Thug Life$
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IP: DB8D 5EE9
yo you are talented and you are in diserving of money.
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OutLawz
*(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
«´¨`·..* G_$peed *..·´¨`» *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)*   _____________________
Hot Songz
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08-02-04, 01:40 PM
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#10
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$Thug Life$
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IP: DB8D 5EE9
oh hell no man wut fuck is wit the fucking knife and it being yo friend
CRREEEPPYY
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OutLawz
*(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
«´¨`·..* G_$peed *..·´¨`» *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)* _____________________
Hot Songz
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08-02-04, 01:41 PM
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#11
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Bonecrushing Nigga
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IP: 07C8 9C8D
Is That You In Your Sig Doing Those Facial Looks ^^^^lol
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Guess who?... ...Paramik Fuckin'...
...Owns You! ||RVS Text Champion||
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08-02-04, 09:00 PM
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#12
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IP: A001 97D8
Very emotional, superb use of vocabulary and content. Very unique concept that rememnds me of something else i've seen on here but I cant remember what.I'd give it a 9.5/10. And i'd apreciate it if you could return the favor and check this...
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=139151 |
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08-03-04, 01:25 PM
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#13
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$Thug Life$
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IP: 3158 0B2B
yo check out my new song DO YOU
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OutLawz
*(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
«´¨`·..* G_$peed *..·´¨`» *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)* _____________________
Hot Songz
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