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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-03-04, 03:03 PM
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#1
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New to RB
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Paths (An epic adventure through hell and heaven)
IP: AF3D 05DD
My eyes half slept upon the night, in which my fate was bore away But hence I saw my entity, thereupon the road it strayed. My heart though, was torn, between the diverged promenade at which my kismet had gone Towards the world of the Parcae of Hell, instead of the divine dawn. And my feet though throbbed as my soles stepped upon the coals of this hapless path Unto the Home of “Dis” to feel his merciless wrath. My eyes now wide, as “Shades” mourned out in there tortured pain And puss spewed from their cuts as maggots crawled in and out of their lame Sorrow began to fill my own eyes, as my pupils started to swell For the miseries of those shades and of myself had dug me into hell. Their naked bodies were coated with peccant blood, and their faces were nothing but scars Machinations of the Devil had though but brought me in this far Therein I traveled farther, to where the Shades tortures were far too hard to bare Where they stood idle in boiling blood as demons whipped their deathly skin fair. My eyes now swelled from all the tears, as the floors of Hades began to stir And a hole of light which shown above, is what had then occurred. My eyes but hence had stopped the bleed and to the hole my body did yield To which an angel sent from the Father had come to take me to the ‘Elysian Fields’ Oh Victory! To those heavenly lights in which my body strayed! And damned but unto the underworld as the shades from my self-decade! Glorious is the Lord! Who saved me from my Gehenna, my very own doom? Praise be unto Him who saved me all so soon! My feet now bare, but the wounds had yet healed... And I walked upon the roads in which were paved with gold, Oh, the feel! But soon that Home had too but vanished, as I opened my effete eyes To wake to the earthly morning, of the ravishing sunrise... Oh how, it was but just a dream! To prepare myself for my last days! The Lord had sought those perversions and glories to help me choose the path to stray!
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08-04-04, 06:57 PM
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#2
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$Thug Life$
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IP: 7C6F 690C
nice this was coo and i enjoyed reading it good work bueaty queen
peace luv 4 u
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OutLawz
*(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
«´¨`·..* G_$peed *..·´¨`» *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)*   _____________________
Hot Songz
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08-04-04, 08:41 PM
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#3
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Vendetta the K.O. King
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IP: 78D8 9CA9
Had to look up Kismet. dayum girl your vocab is deep. The imagery in this was straight sick. You obviously know what your picturing and how to describe it. I had something along the same lines as this I was working on, but was wondering how a religious type poem would be recieved so I hadnt even finished it yet. I think I will though and post it to see what ya'll think. You got serious skills writing girl - although I'm still trying to catch the style, you got more talent than any cat on this site easy.
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08-05-04, 01:32 AM
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#4
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New to RB
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IP: 15B3 62C1
^Thank you very much...I look forward to reading you're poem..I hold every bit of your reply dear to me...I appreciate it greatly...
Pz!
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08-05-04, 02:28 AM
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#5
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Flyweight
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IP: 7133 A66C
I like the overall theme of the poem. I liked that you touched on 2 paths one as you delve into hell, the other being showed a righteous path by God. The dream concept was dope. But I really liked that you showed their are only 2 paths in life -- Good And Bad! I liked it! The structure was not easy on the eyes and to read but it was dope!
one |
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08-05-04, 03:01 AM
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#6
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Vendetta the K.O. King
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IP: 78D8 9CA9
I think you had a thread about gettin tats - as a side note, my boy has two tats on his biceps. One side is chinese lettering for "Good" and the other is "Evil". Pretty dope idea... - just thought it tied in with your good/evil poem, and you wanting to know about tats. 1
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08-05-04, 11:27 AM
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#7
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1926
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IP: A001 97D8
Veeeeeery Nice Piece Of Writing...
Your Vocabulary Is Imaculant, So Much Brilliance Withing This Pieces Raw Emotion... Uuum, Nothing I Can Complain About Really... Topic And Concept Were On Point... You Even Had A Rhym Scheme And Managed To Sustain It's Consistancy Throughout The Piece... None Of The Rhyms Seamed Forced, Just Real Natural And Flowing... On A Number Scale I Would Rate It 9.8/10 (Lol Cuz Ima Dick Like That And Dont Give 10's)... You're Such A Consistant Writer Just Overall... I Havent Responded To All Your Work But I've Read A Few Pieces And Your Pretty Flawless In Just Every Aspect Of Your Poetry... Stay Up Fem, I'll Be Looking For More... And I'd Apreciate It If You Would Return The Favor And Just Check Out My Drop... Its Right Here In The Poetry Forums Called "Push"... Thanks Alot Fem, And Again... Very Nice Drop Right Hear... .One. |
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08-05-04, 11:35 AM
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#8
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$Thug Life$
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IP: 41E7 D5CF
um check my open mics plz bueaty queen
__________________
OutLawz
*(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
«´¨`·..* G_$peed *..·´¨`» *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)* _____________________
Hot Songz
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08-05-04, 11:47 AM
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#9
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New to RB
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IP: E963 A4FF
^Alright....why dont you just PM me that? Lol..no offense...but, this isnt the place...
Thanks everyone for the feedback...Atticus...thanks for the "breakdown" lol...I appreciate everyones words greatly...I hold them dear....thanks again
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08-05-04, 11:54 AM
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#10
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1926
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IP: A001 97D8
Quote:
Dayum Kid... You've Got Some Serious Stalker Characters... Lolololmao... Just Watch, Eventually He's Gonna Be Hooking I.Q. Up With Some Pictures Of Him Naked... Then Saying If He Cant Have You No One Can... You're Fucking Creepy Mayn, Seriously... Everyother Post In This Girls Threads Is This Kid... It's Just Alittle Weird, Thought I Should Point That Out... .One. |
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08-05-04, 12:25 PM
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#11
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$Thug Life$
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IP: 41E7 D5CF
i dont stalk her dayum wut the fuck do i have to do to prove that you mutha fuckas are really pissin me off.
i jus admire her work and want to see wut othas think of it. peace
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OutLawz
*(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
«´¨`·..* G_$peed *..·´¨`» *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)* _____________________
Hot Songz
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08-06-04, 10:47 PM
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#12
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cold cold, keep shaking
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IP: C256 09C0
ruff, you dont stop, just chill man chill. IQ once again a great poem. You definately got ur heart set on the right note.
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08-16-04, 01:19 AM
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#13
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New to RB
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IP: E097 7F6E
Thank you ^^ very much for your words...I appreciate them greatly...as well as I do with all other replies <3
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08-16-04, 01:21 AM
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#14
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Light Weight
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IP: 44C6 DA5F
yung gun is goin for you all the way shit
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 Lyrical Materminds BigBootyChick
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08-17-04, 04:00 PM
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#15
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 95EB 880F
nice poem , the thing i'd have to say i fancy'd the most was the one lette lines you know it a nice structure , check out some of my stuff
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