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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-06-04, 11:35 PM
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#1
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1926
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"Mental Playback"
IP: A001 97D8
No, Noooo, STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE! Noo, No Pleeeeeeeease! Just Stop IIIIIIIIIIIT! I CANT FUCKING HANDLE THIS PRESSURE! *Sitting Ina Mental Instatution* With my thoughts scattered in such a dessarea what am I to do? My burdens girth grows of a weight forwich my shoulders no longer can hold or push threw Pushed back and forth, I the rope to this game of tug-a-war between the sane and insane And in times past this piece of rope belittle to thread has been shattered as if glass from pain (Window Pane) The fragle mindset for wich I rest broken never to be placed into a formation supassing the abstract moment This mind of such brilliance trapt within its self with nothing more then time when all I wish for is the few seconds of choice wasted in on the past's shelf No, Noooo, STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE! Noo, No Pleeeeeeeease! Just Stop IIIIIIIIIIIT! WHY WONT THESE VISIONS JUST GO AWAY! *Flashing Back To A Past Event* Holding my mothers hand as if a brace to a cripple In my inocents the visions blurred within my perefrial was such a frighting scene for wich I stood in the middle I hold my mothers hand titer because she was my security in a world of such curruption and stife Walking by, my mother see's a co-worker, to me he looks like just another seedy criminal type She tells me to wait as she goes to talk over some buisness Waching my mother speak I grasp my self titely amist this Turned and faced the other direction because I was told to watch my back Feel so alone at this moment, a lost boy in a place where only a man could survive it's grasp Then suddenly a ear piercing sound shattered my thoughts As I looked around I saw my mother laying on the ground entangled in shots Her once peaceful yet vibrent face was now filled with strife and the color of death As I broke down into tears, as strand by strand the threads to this rope were so violently ripped away by each breath No, Noooo, STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE! Noo, No Pleeeeeeeease! Just Stop IIIIIIIIIIIT! WHY CANT I ESCAPE THE PAST! *Re-gains Conciousness In A Violent Sweat* My past once again strangling my attemps to procede with my life As I attemp to slip into my own thought once again, but this time to find peace in the light Into the darkest spots of my mentals I reach out to a quiet oasis in a dessert of angst My place of tranquillity where my pain in the form of water still yet beating at my freedoms pace A place rapped in a orange hase to keep my thoughts from sinking into another dark depression Were cotton clouds just barely brace the weight of my painful pasts re-runining sessions As I take form, myself the rocks but not by choice The one aspect I could not re-arange because not even I couldn't make my mind believe I could ever move from my current posistion filling these voids But here I sit just waiting for my own demonds to break through serenity voice. |
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08-07-04, 11:33 AM
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#2
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1926
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IP: A001 97D8
Upping...
.One. |
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08-11-04, 09:32 AM
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#3
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Flyweight
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IP: 9B36 B767
I Liked It Mayn .. Nice Imagery .. Added Some Wordplay .. And Internalz For The Flow .. Nice Drop .. Made All Of It Seem True .. And You Put Feeling Into It .. The Only Thing Is the Structure .. You Should Keep It Like You Did In The Last Lines Of The Middle ..
__________________
Internal WoRdz .. Authentik Intelligence .. You Already Know .. If You Want Tuh Get Murked Pm Me ..  "I'm A Nobody,Since Nobody's Perfect .. " Punchline Poet .. Sentenced To Permenant Sleep ..
Lyrically OWNED !!!(Non-Battle)
|¤|Authentik Intelligence|¤| |
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08-11-04, 01:53 PM
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#4
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Bonecrushing Nigga
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IP: 6B29 12E8
yup
nice srop i could see the imagery, and the imagination the wordplay is good
__________________
Guess who?... ...Paramik Fuckin'...
...Owns You! ||RVS Text Champion||
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08-11-04, 11:18 PM
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#5
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1926
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IP: A001 97D8
Thanks People...
.One. |
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08-13-04, 03:09 AM
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#6
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Light Weight
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IP: 3158 0B2B
nice drop kidd...had some good imagery...and some nice word play...up on ya structure tho...only part was missin was da structure...it would have flowed better if da structure was there....still nice drop tho...keep it comin peace
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08-16-04, 01:04 PM
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#7
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1926
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IP: A001 97D8
I Forgot I Even Dropped This...
Upping I Guess... .One. |
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09-30-04, 05:39 PM
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#8
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1926
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IP: 28AD 5545
Upping...
.One. |
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10-01-04, 06:21 PM
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#9
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atlas the vagabond
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IP: E7CA 0AA7
excellent imagery, i really liked this one. You truly put us in the cell with you, made us experience what you, or i mean this character was going through. I saw this piece as a small piece of a movie of your design of course, but i really liked this one. Keep it up.
drop honest feedback on my first piece. Why i'm always smiling |
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10-04-04, 07:22 PM
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#10
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1926
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IP: 0825 899A
^^^...
This Is Why I Upped It... Alot Of People Didn't See It... So While I Write The New Pieces I Up The Old Ones So The New Kids Look For The Name... If I Didn't Up It That Kid Would Have NEVER Seen It... .One. |
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10-04-04, 08:19 PM
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#11
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 28AD 5545
fine, but please show me some respect in the future, do not call me a bitch, because i do my job, or i will do something about it, and this is a piece for open mic, to let you know..........1
__________________
"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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10-04-04, 08:38 PM
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#12
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Bonecrushing Nigga
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IP: 3375 4717
the title is dope a fuck
__________________
Guess who?... ...Paramik Fuckin'...
...Owns You! ||RVS Text Champion||
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10-10-04, 08:05 PM
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#13
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1926
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IP: 0825 899A
Quote:
*Tear Tear* I'M SORRY!!!... You Know I Loooooove You   ... ...Muuuuuuuuah, Sorry Fem... I Felt Like Being A Dick That Day... But Ya, Still Not Getting How Its An Open Mic... Sawl Good Though... And Para, Haha Thank You So Very Much For Cretiqueing My Title Skills... That Is What I REALLY Wanted Feedback On... Lololmao... .One. |
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