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Old 01-09-05, 02:16 AM   #1
Ysdat
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poor life,rich life ft mimesis

IP: 838B 916B

This is somthing me and mem quickly done, it in noway reflect's our personal life's. but the diffrence's between the title.mimesis done poor life. I done rich life
hope you enjoy it.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=168344
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=167449


rich life,poor life

Its funny how this nation works, but its just lacking something
Cause without money, our expectations are practically nothing
Tellin us to be patient.. but we're just a lost victim in this hell
And, our only hope of living..
..relies on the monthly welfare checks in the mail
All our faces are pail.. barely alive.. I dont even know y we fight
When we're out trash diving.. just to eat some dinner at night
There's no light, so why.. does the government tell us its flipping
Man, they tell us to walk the earth..
..but the ducktape holdin our shoes is barely sticking
Its sickening.. sitting on street curbs, pockets empty, its sux dude
Watching these kids with no strength.. and no plate offering food
People enter the robberin mood... and the office is allowed to see
And claim we're all criminals..
..its not that, but we just all got mouths to feed
Just believe.. this isnt a joke, our hopes crashed, but still though
They dont understand.. that concrete doesnt make a good pillow
Bein killed slow.. hopin we wont notice while they break our spine
But, I mind when im livin in a broken state.. in a broken state of mind
Everyones blinded by their bullshit.. cause man, we barely alive
They tell us to continue to drive on..
..but we cant even afford to put our cars in drive
As we continue to die.. never heard of.. livin our whole lives in fear
I hear happiniess doesnt come with money..
..but with no money, no happiniess is near


smile's are clear thru thick glass window's of love
hope isnt needed to guide ,nor is a lord up above
we have replaced god with picture's of dead president's
no such thing as locking door's,we live in a peacfull residence
ever since we are bornlife's been great
I even have my name written on a personilised license plate
im nice n safe,no need for stress and worry
When time's get hard,We can fix it with word's less than sorry
i confess i blurry out anyone else going thru hard time's
cause i dont want to relate to those growing up with chared mind's
I wanna stay pure to my riche's,not communicate with those who'are in ditche's
I live happy,Cause one day Ill be at the top of the rank's
If i acheive my dad give's me green full pocket's for thanx
Im not blocking the tank's from going to war
cause I seen the truth on cnn,why should I go an explore
why should I help other's I have saftey in my own back yard,
Look at all the useless ghetto's,nothing to do but hitcrack hard
I sit back scared off how much money I have,how should I use it??
oh fuck it,let me go to hell......Ill abuse it.......................................

Last edited by "fi-del" : 01-09-05 at 02:24 AM.
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Old 01-09-05, 02:19 AM   #2
Magic5
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Actually I did poor life, you did rich life.

Holla at cha boobies.

ILLness yo.

Last edited by Mimesis : 01-09-05 at 02:26 AM.
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Old 01-09-05, 02:24 AM   #3
Ysdat
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edited yo, my bad i done that shit quck.

feed??
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Old 01-09-05, 02:46 AM   #4
Tha Unknown (Uk)
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yell I think they both tha shit so keep droppin..........great wordplay..an good verble usage.
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Old 01-09-05, 02:49 AM   #5
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i'm feelin it it was all good, good wordplay and and stuff
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Old 01-09-05, 04:22 PM   #6
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Uhh.. Sweet..

Uppin for more feedback.

Leave a link and we'll hit you back..
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Old 01-09-05, 04:37 PM   #7
FlowIntelligent.
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mimesis your verse was pretty dope, good imagery and wordplay, but the structure was horrible honeslty.. im a big fan of structure and i wasnt feeling either of your styles of structure for example:

mimesis:

Tellin us to be patient.. but we're just a lost victim in this hell
And, our only hope of living..
..relies on the monthly welfare checks in the mail

see the flow is off and the structure makes it look bad but...

Tellin us to be patient.. but we're just a lost victim in this hell
Plus, our only hope of living, is the welfare checks in the mail

Relies and monthly just werent needed in there... sometimes u can inder do it but this was overdone... slim it down a little.. everyone always loses good flow and structure because of unnecessary words... besides that you did preet good and came dope

overall : 8.5/10

fi-del.. i wasnt feelin your verse as much as mim's cuz it looks like you rushed it and your structure and flow is messed up also

exm:

ever since we are born life's been great
I even have my name written on a personilised license plate

slim it down

Ever since i been born, my life's been great
I even have my own name on a license plate

it just makes everything look better and sound better

you had a good verse also but coulda been better good wordplay and imagery also on your part and emotion was pretty good also

overall: 7.5/10

between the both of you, this OM was good i think it could have been better coming from two people like yorselfs but overall good job

overall : 8/10
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Old 01-09-05, 04:42 PM   #8
Ysdat
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thank's for the feed.
Your right I did rush my verse,Which I have to apoligies to mimesis because it isnt my usual standered.
Thank's for the real feed.

*^^^^^^^^^*
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Old 01-12-05, 01:50 PM   #9
Magic5
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Uppin for more feedback, yo.
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Old 01-14-05, 02:01 PM   #10
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Uppin this yo..
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Old 06-28-05, 03:36 AM   #11
Magic5
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Word to upping old OMs. Lmao.
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Old 06-28-05, 04:05 AM   #12
Static
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nice verses both but mimesis dope keep droppin
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