I wish you were here Papa, to see me now
I wish you were here to see how we all turned out
I wish you were here to keep our family together
BUt i know no one stays alive forever
Your time had came and i guess that's how GOD wanted it
You wanted our family to stay together but you haven't gotten it
There was no stoppin it, no stoppin your death
You were so close to seein me born, seein my 1st footsteps
But i'm sure you look down on us from heaven
Talked to my mom she left havin no clue how close your death was gettin
But i still wish you could be hear with us
Between our family there's no trust
But if you were here you could stop it
But it won't happen so i guess i can drop it
But only if you was still with us, i'd have no fears
Oh how i just wish you were here

If you was still here, i swear we'd all change
End the constant heartbreaks there'd be no pain
But things get better and i have no worries
Our family is slowly gettin tofether, i wish they'd hurry

The family's lost souls floatin in a fish bowl
We unfold anger in a world so cold
You could've kept blue skies from pain
You could've stopped the sunny day from rain
But i know we can't change or relive the past
Livin in the past is just puttin your heart in a trap
A trap that the devil takes over without a sound
The family grows apart and runs thru the same grounds
We go down in a twisted devistating way
We stay apart for days and days
Months to months, years to years
Nothings ok we've shed unneccesary tears
My only heroes are now ghosts
Only spirits that roam around and float
But only if you was still with us, i'd have no fears
Oh how i just wish you were here

If you was still here, i swear we'd all change
End the constant heartbreaks there'd be no pain
But things get better and i have no worries
Our family is slowly gettin tofether, i wish they'd hurry

Papa don't worry we're on the right road now
The family is together in a way goin to church now
And who would've thought Micheal would've got us together
Sad part is he may be gone for what seems like forever
Uncle Chris is recovered from an amazing accident
He was in the trauma unit he came back and then
Everything was ok, no concusion or broken bones
Just a black eye and that just goes to show
Miracles are possible, we must have a guardian angel
I look at every possibility from ever posible angle
Things are still fragile not together all the way yet
We work with the pieces you left and take another step
Every breath we take we take we have you on our mind
Everyone especially my mom wants to undo time
But only if you was still with us, we'd have no fears
Oh how i just wish you were here

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uppin this shit i want some feedback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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it was a str8 peace but keep working on using more vocab and work on ur multis homes I see what u where trying to say but over all I give it a

8.6/10 here are the peaces I liked.


The family's lost souls floatin in a fish bowl
We unfold anger in a world so cold
You could've kept blue skies from pain
You could've stopped the sunny day from rain
But i know we can't change or relive the past
Livin in the past is just puttin your heart in a trap
A trap that the devil takes over without a sound
The family grows apart and runs thru the same grounds

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vs super

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...918915&posted=1

thanx man.....if you want favors returned then drop a mic to your OM and i will.....but thanx uppin for more feedback
peace

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uppin.............................................

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Man i was feelin this shit. You got your shit across hella well. Nice emotion. Flow was a little short at some points, but not too big of a deal.

This is some shit we can all relate to. It doesnt have to have happened, but we know what it would feel like if it did.

Nothin else wrong with it really... structure was fine... maybe up ya vocab a little but that happens with time.

9/10

one

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shit had emotion but it was boring......i feel what your going thrugh but damn up your vocab and tyr to use more image and shitlike that so i can tell exactly what is happening and how ou are feeling....
use more sensary details like
SMELL, TASTE, HEAR...shit like that

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my MYSPACE is Better than Yours

thanx for the "constructive" crit.....uppin for more feed come on i want some feed on this really bad for some reason lol
thax for the feed so far

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ok it had alot of emotion which is what you need in a topical piece but you also needed just alittle more creativity or multis to back up on the sensory. You gained points i thought your personal and emotion put into the piece but ya have to hit it from all angles is what dj and the other kat was sayin over all i give ya 8 outta 10 but it was pretty dope tear jerker...haha big ups kid

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B.Wall







O.G.

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hey people drop links if you want favors returned
favor will be returned

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uppin people come on now can't stop now!!!!! more feed please

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