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Old 02-10-05, 06:43 PM   #1
Untraceable
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Downfall

IP: 408D D2A2

This is from a topical battle im in....just lookin for some feed sonce ppl have slept on the battle...the topic was greed


Once upon an unusual day a man has somehow found his way
Relay it back to the day that he had no longer lived in dismay
He found himself impeading the spot to become one to lead
None could see that his actions deniably in itself was greed
Feeding off his intentions he had kept his secret unmentioned
His pension grows and leaves his old succesors suspended
dreaded the truth to his succesion he just boasted and gloated
His selfconfidence coasted causing him to make lies sugar coated
His executive poisition grew without preminitions from actions chose
Drove himself to new places, on the news he talked in captions closed
Facts arose about him and when confronted he froze with confusion
Using all he had he made the lie a proven fact from thoughts fusioned
His hopes showed contusions of when he pushed himself to the limit
Within minutes thoughts hinted away from work, became hard to finish
Trying to deminish and win this election to become a producer
Abuser of what had brought him succesion, slowly becomes a loser
Looser minded people saw that his reign wasnt going to last
With passed time he began to realize his dreams started to pass
Departed faster than what he expected and wont be resurrected
His misdirected intentions started his downfall within seconds
And during his succesion he was blinded by his imperfections
Which infected the direction of his wrongs into corrections
So before you try to score that top notch spot on top of it all
Just remember your greed is your seccessor as well as ur downfall
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Old 02-10-05, 06:48 PM   #2
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Old 02-10-05, 06:50 PM   #3
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nice man. real nice.

...i think it started a lttle "uh w/e" but as i read it, it was just getting better and better and it ended so damn good. That close:
"So before you try to score that top notch spot on top of it all
Just remember your greed is your seccessor as well as ur downfall"

-Was mad dope man. Keep that up fo sho.

Other lines stood out but none like that.

You kept to topic well, and had a good structure and flow. Also i liked that it really went somewhere.

Good going
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Old 02-11-05, 04:45 PM   #4
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thanks man preciate the feed..........uppin for more....leave links and i'll rtf
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Old 02-11-05, 08:16 PM   #5
GeSTiKz
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Trying to deminish and win this election to become a producer
Abuser of what had brought him succesion, slowly becomes a loser

^^fucked up

it's obvious every line flowed perfectly nothin fell off it was consistent throughout da whole verse...a nigga could actually image bein in his shoes u accomplished da imagery of da verse...da thought conveyed was seen from start 2 finish, this gets a 10 nodoubt

fav. lines:

His misdirected intentions started his downfall within seconds
And during his succesion he was blinded by his imperfections

So before you try to score that top notch spot on top of it all
Just remember your greed is your seccessor as well as ur downfall

^^real talk my nig


stay up n keep droppin fire early
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keep in touch wit ya chest homie before i make it MISSIN MAN// dogg ya girl with me, she don't really MISS U MAN...put me in a "HORROR FLICK" but i bet a mill once da "TUNE"
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Old 02-11-05, 08:23 PM   #6
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untraceable man, drop some feedback on the open mic in my sig if you ever get a chance.

Holla at me wiv any more open mics of your own
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Old 02-12-05, 11:03 AM   #7
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thanks for the feed man......appreciate it.......and ill hit up your Open Mic hammer
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Old 02-13-05, 09:22 AM   #8
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bump bump bump.
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Old 02-15-05, 08:03 AM   #9
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bump bump bumpin
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