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Old 07-26-05, 04:39 PM   #1
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Passed on...

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My tear stained eyes stood over your bedside
My trembling hands holding yours you so still
My tears stained your pillow i kissed your cheek
Twice i did so once for me and once for my brother
I gazed over at my mother who was by now in pieces
Our life without you seems so impossible unthinkable
I glanced back to your peaceful motionless face
Where once there was suffering now there is calm
Where there was fear there is now peace
The feeling of loss came like a wave over me
I felt sickened to my stomach i had no comfort
I wanted my dad to come back and enrich my life again
So many good qualities in just the one man
My man my dad the apple of my eye
But now he's passed on gone on to another journey
Passed on to help others the way he helped me
But without you i feel that i cant breathe
Your smile was like the light in my day
You were a fighter right until the end
You were and are still my inspiration for everyday
To carry on your legacy and be true to you
I hold my held high everyday doing you proud
I know you are watching over us keeping us safe
Thats why i know even though you're not here
You wlll never go away..





http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=201454
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Old 07-28-05, 07:02 PM   #2
*Phantom*
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hey yo...man this is real with a lot of emotion....i was really feeling this one...keep doing wat u doing man.....8/10...jus up ur vocab man....make it a lil more complex...
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Old 08-01-05, 04:34 PM   #3
chip
pain is weakness leaving the body
 
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not really much i can say on improvivg it that hasn' already been said. i wrote a poem similar to this when i lost my mom. work on your vocab and the flow from person to person when you're talking about seperate people's emotions (may just be me cuz this poem is so deep). my favorite piece i've read so far. keep em comin'.

check out my poems

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=200947
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202397
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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..."
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