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07-26-05, 04:39 PM | #1 | |||||
New to RV
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Passed on...
IP: 21ED 60C1
My tear stained eyes stood over your bedside
My trembling hands holding yours you so still My tears stained your pillow i kissed your cheek Twice i did so once for me and once for my brother I gazed over at my mother who was by now in pieces Our life without you seems so impossible unthinkable I glanced back to your peaceful motionless face Where once there was suffering now there is calm Where there was fear there is now peace The feeling of loss came like a wave over me I felt sickened to my stomach i had no comfort I wanted my dad to come back and enrich my life again So many good qualities in just the one man My man my dad the apple of my eye But now he's passed on gone on to another journey Passed on to help others the way he helped me But without you i feel that i cant breathe Your smile was like the light in my day You were a fighter right until the end You were and are still my inspiration for everyday To carry on your legacy and be true to you I hold my held high everyday doing you proud I know you are watching over us keeping us safe Thats why i know even though you're not here You wlll never go away.. http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=201454
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07-28-05, 07:02 PM | #2 | ||||||
-Not On My Level-
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IP: 0D2F 5926
hey yo...man this is real with a lot of emotion....i was really feeling this one...keep doing wat u doing man.....8/10...jus up ur vocab man....make it a lil more complex...
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08-01-05, 04:34 PM | #3 | ||||
pain is weakness leaving the body
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IP: 4673 04CC
not really much i can say on improvivg it that hasn' already been said. i wrote a poem similar to this when i lost my mom. work on your vocab and the flow from person to person when you're talking about seperate people's emotions (may just be me cuz this poem is so deep). my favorite piece i've read so far. keep em comin'.
check out my poems http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=200947 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202397
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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..." -Konchance my poetry: untitled |
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