Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
10-20-05, 03:33 PM | #1 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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Breathless Days
IP: 01BD 281D
How would you live if you knew someone dies with every breath you take? I hide in the shadows of the leaders that only shout To the inhumanly creatures entering a lion's mouth Fools fought but came to realize it was just no use When all the Aryan lies become their world's truths Jewish faces ruthlessly shoved into hard, brick wall Pitch-black hair, an inferior being impelled to crawl Treated as animals: nothing more...everything less Yet some still come to smile in a midst of distress By having pity for the ones who hurt them so deep For we are the true beasts, why should they weep? Even though they're not free as a wingless pigeon They find power and rely on an everlasting religion They will not sacrifice their identity for that dictator As they know he shall be punished sooner or later Filled with disgrace, I do pray I could simply erase It, seeing them walk into chamber with smiling face Knowing their breath shall be taken no matter what Screams can't be denied even with your eyes shut The stench enters my pores, only death it portrays Yet another unknown corps left in breathless days Venom by Lil C Confirmities Puppet by Atticus
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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10-23-05, 12:28 PM | #2 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: B16B 0FE9
Uhm...
Feedback please?
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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10-23-05, 12:58 PM | #3 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
this is very touching, my favourite lines were
They find power and rely on an everlasting religion Knowing their breath shall be taken no matter what Screams can't be denied even with your eyes shut its very emotional, the structure was very neat, good use of metas. overall a nice poem. good stuff lol RTF plz on dead weight
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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10-23-05, 03:56 PM | #4 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: B16B 0FE9
Thanks for the feed...
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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11-03-05, 09:02 AM | #5 | ||||||
Bone is gay.
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IP: B7EE 6DD9
Meh i didnt really enjoy this one as much as your MORE piece... the imagery and emotion was better in here and it was more well written but something about that other piece i just liked more... your structure in this was superb it really made your flow smoth and your vocab was good aswell... i wouldnt expect anything less from you hun... very solid piece... sorry i couldnt leave a more detailed explanation but am kinda rushing before i leave...
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