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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-26-05, 10:49 AM
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#1
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The Answerless Questioning
IP: 0825 899A
Among a sheepless manger; dancing the herder's pristine sickle. A silent pace slithers along the edge of its own epiphany. Eyes flutter in an awaking prison. Vibrant gates of hopeless glory grip its own snarled fangs of razor wire to offer itself the glutinous sacrifice, of it's own handicapped children. A perfect cell wall pronounces. Whispers sweet hymns into deaf ears as it calls forth the blind child. Guides across shards of broken judgment just to tickle his own sick fancy. Embracing every serrated kiss, I welcome the next gash with a smile. Open my mouth wide; as time bombs set on a frail tongue. Make the mark of my master, scribble his name of invisible ink. He grins in delight at my obedience. This hissing snake giggles; gazing upon my conformist soul. Trembling within the coil of a serpentine homestead. As with each thought of blasphemy I stand on one more pin, stare before I wink one more needle; victim one more tear with punishment. ................ Fell asleep in the good book, awoke gagged between its lines. Dabbled in a thought of my own, until the author re-scripted mankind. |
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11-26-05, 04:52 PM
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#2
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Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
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IP: 9457 B83E
props on this piece great vocab meaning and ur structure is really clean props
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  O.Y.D. |
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11-27-05, 09:41 AM
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#3
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IP: 28AD 5545
 Thanks alot for your feedback. |
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11-28-05, 02:25 PM
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#4
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The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: 3211 9052
I think this piece is pretty fuckahn' dope Chym... Now I know what Atty's talkin' about!
Vocab was good, concept good, hell... everything was good and the way you drove it home was excellant.I loved that last verse the most... so much detail and emotion. Props Fams. Keep Writing. Peace.
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate  The unexamined life is not worth living.
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11-28-05, 05:01 PM
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#5
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Poet's Daughter.
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IP: B0FC ACE8
Pretty good. Nice use of vocabulary. Loving the concept and your approach, the use of your metaphors was hard hitting. Imagery was vividly decent, emotion was some-what like velvet quiet and soft. This is a good poem, nicly done.
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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11-28-05, 06:18 PM
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#6
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IP: 28AD 5545
Thanks alot for the feedback everyone.
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11-30-05, 02:23 PM
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#7
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New to RV
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IP: D4FA A3B8
Fell asleep in the good book,
awoke gagged between its lines. Dabbled in a thought of my own, until the author re-scripted mankind I like, I like .... nicce job. ur a natural |
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06-05-06, 09:55 PM
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#8
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IP: 7BE2 A0A1
whyyyyyy thank you
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06-08-06, 01:37 AM
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#9
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A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 2029 97B3
i assume this is old and u must leave 2 links for upping it but ill still leave feedback,the emotion was boring kind of but ok, the imagery was good, the structure and format was clean the concept was ok...vocab great, overall a decent read man.
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Crhyme Sindicate
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