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12-06-05, 10:50 PM | #1 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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Blow It
IP: CCF3 0222
*Sniff* *Sniff* ... Moments pass as neurons sprint from the torrents hatch on up his cavity ... He feels nothing but normal; it's all formal until he's laced with alacrity rapidly Sadly, it's his downfall. In this time and space he escapes his broken spirit ... ... In reality, though, he's destroying himself, his wealth & token's dearest ... Spoken clearest when he's soaring each morning w/ his daughter's presence In his present mood he drops clues to rue's that are snatched up in reverence. So selfish & steadfast, he assumes she understands the demands upon his head rants. *Sniff* *Sniff* ... Coerced to watch the nassel rot, to consume the rich fumes of parenting ... Little Brenda's scared, so unaware of her fathers subconscience unwanting charity ... Verily she's alone, he's slipped away again to the numb parade of psycosis ... Paranoya is ghost mist and rides to battle alongside the white captors blown kiss It's all engraved deeply, creeping to long-term like a wrong term on the tounge She's fragile and young, so impressionable, so agile and fun but he'll never know She loves him dearly but she's lost respect for the wreck of emotions he's shown Stuborn to the bone, she accepts "no" and steps prone to wait untill he's gone. ... Waits long to see he's preoccupied with matters & scatters, nothings wrong ... *Sniff* *Sniff* Time passes till it lap's his mind's casket so he draws 3 more lines to endulge ... Two get done but his body's old so he heads to the bathroom to convulse ... Daddy's gone and opportunity unfolds it's arms to hold the neglected soul ... Rejected tolls till the infected coils it's scourge around the bill she holds ... She mimics Daddy's bold poise & unleashes the noise of the deaf instructor She inhales the product and conducts the unthinkable ... the breath of comfort She coughs as her head aches from blood baked on caked membrains laced Dawn evaporates to hate as the walls disapate till she's taunt with pain & numb *Sniff* *Sniff* ... Returning wordless, ever worthless as he closes the field inwhich he reigns ... He rounds the corner of heavens bend and enters hell in a moments pausing pang Something strange, Brenda's whithered behind the sofa, unmoving .. in a coma ... Blood trickles past her breathless lips untill the site rips his heart in cold lumps ... "What have you done? I told you to leave that shit alone! Now your gone & im withdrawn How will I live? I rely on you for proper income ... now it's gone & im finished! Thanks, Brenda. Daddy's fucked because to touched snow & you diminished I need to think again, feel that drip and be free again & I can't because you didnt listen."
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
Last edited by Mentalz : 12-07-05 at 09:13 PM. |
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12-06-05, 10:50 PM | #2 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: CCF3 0222
Links incoming.
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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12-06-05, 10:56 PM | #3 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: CCF3 0222
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2566142
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=215697
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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12-07-05, 12:30 PM | #4 | |||||
Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
alrite im jus gonna leave simple feed here. the structure obviously was messy, it was different in all three verses, but thats kool, that doesnt affect the whole piece in my opinion. this was a good story, highly emotional and flowed well, nice twist on it. good job
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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12-07-05, 09:15 PM | #5 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: D35B 3F85
Structures fine in my opinion. Unless you're looking for an eye orgasm. Thanks for your opinions, though. Appreciate it.
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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12-11-05, 12:31 PM | #6 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: CCF3 0222
Uppin, will RTF.
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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12-11-05, 05:09 PM | #7 | ||||||
Maggot
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IP: CF74 5D3A
Just Didn't Have The Woring Of Good Rap Maybe If You Didn'kt Hate So Much You Maybe Albe To Do Better Feel Me Rewrite This Piece And Try Again
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12-11-05, 06:04 PM | #8 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: CCF3 0222
Hahaha. Tell me when you feel better.
__________________
Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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12-11-05, 07:30 PM | #9 | |||||
New to RV
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IP: 2515 80D1
i like it because its kind of deep shit...and it express's ur knowledge about whats around you...interesting spit
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