alright, this is a piece i wrote for my girl, thought i might as well get some feed on it, try not to be dicks, aight? oh, and i wrote this in an hour, yesterday, so boo hoo if structure or anything sucks

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the world's always changing, but i still stand true
because nothing could happen, that'd change my love for you
time indicates your beauty, and with it, it only grows
but yet as time passes, you'll still seem a blossoming rose
for in the garden of my soul, where only darkness is known
you shine so brightly, it cracks right through the stone
a lone flower emerges, its deep crimson petals
offsets any doubts of life, keeping fate on the level
yeah, that was deep, but do you know how that happens?
i mass my love for you with passion, and flash it to action
into a fashionable attraction, surpassin' any faction
creatin enough traction, so love passes everlastin'
mathematical satisfactoin, i'm matchin your reactions
theres so many parts of you to like, i'll enjoy solving fractions
but rationally its different, if you really think it through
should you be alive, seeing how you're too good to be true?
it doesn't seem right, but hold on, i'll tell you what does
when we hold each other tight, and our lips come to touch
re-arrage the alphabet? sure, i'd put 'i' and 'u' together
but i'd also stick in 4 others, just to make it a little better
and then it'd be perfect, that combination sounds the best
but still my favourite beats are putting an ear to your chest
nessle my head beneath your chin, i could lie there for weeks
the only time i'd move, i'd land a kiss on your cheek
i have sentances to tell you, that i can't put into words...i
just want to be around you, heh, i'm jealous of your shirt
a lifetime seems forever, doesn't seem like i'll last, however
it'd be alot better for me, if we could spend it together
you and me for eternity, even beyond the face of earth
'you and me'..(pause)...those three words probly the best in the verse
it hurts to be away, but i'll tell you what gets me through
each day that passes, marks one day closer to see you
i'm glad we're apart.......trust me, we're not at a loss
cause i'd hate to imagine my life if our paths never crossed
we all seek inner peace, you ask me? i've found mine
cause i've never felt so free when i stare in those brown eyes
with that bright smile of yours, every night becomes noon
and so warm hearted, even december feels like june
and when everything's outta sync, and can't stand the noise
it all seems so fitting, when it blends with your voice
its more than music to my ears, its a symphony and choir
your pitch is like angels, lifting spirits from the fire
you ask about our future? well i'd tell you if i knew
how bout i meet you at the fork in the road, a basket full of food?
we can decide together, your arms around my shoulders
my hands down on your hips...cliff hanging with boulders
see, as long as im with you, theres no where else to be
i know this is in my chest, how? cause you're what turns the key
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http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=211851
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=218972

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i'm not leaving links, because i've pretty much left feed on everything but lumbrejacks work

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I liked this piece, and who gives a fuck about structure. The fact that this was done in an hour was good, you stayed consistent throughout with a high level of emotion packed into the piece. You levelled the whole thing with a nice mixture of emotion, imagery of feeling, and complexity with your delivery. It wasn't some basic "I love you" piece of crap.....it actually had some feeling to it which is good, because the generic pieces of shit on this idea are annoying. Overall, a real good quick piece.

OVERALL: 7/10

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This Shit Was Definately Nice Drakel. I Like How You Used Your Vocab In The Right Place And The Rhyming Was Nice As Well. Good Job Homie. RTF In My Battle Against Technique Homie Please, Thanks.

I really liked this piece, and u did it in an hour, really good man. And on the real man, ur structure seemed fine to me. Vocab was good and it flowed nicely. Emotions and Imagery were crazy in this, really good. Like King Solo said it wasnt one of those basic love pieces, u put many different things into this one.My favorite lines:

a lone flower emerges, its deep crimson petals
offsets any doubts of life, keeping fate on the level
yeah, that was deep, but do you know how that happens?
i mass my love for you with passion, and flash it to action
into a fashionable attraction, surpassin' any faction
creatin enough traction, so love passes everlastin'
mathematical satisfactoin, i'm matchin your reactions
theres so many parts of you to like, i'll enjoy solving fractions

I thought thats was crazy, u had nice rhyming in there. I'd give it an 8/10, nice job man keep it up. Please RTF on Runnin'. Links in my sig. Peace.

awwww! i think this was really sweet and nice, good rhyming and def nice if you did it in an hour. good job drakel, keep it up

wow even tho da structure was a lil wack......EVERYTHING else fit into place.....good vocab, def got some rhyming in here.......luv da concept of it ALL....keep up da good work pa....1

thanks for the feed

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yea no one really cares abotu structure
flow was good alot of multis in the beggining
liked the alphabet line
overall very sweet piece for ur gf shes lucky
props
uppppppppp

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time indicates your beauty, and with it, it only grows
but yet as time passes, you'll still seem a blossoming rose
for in the garden of my soul,

that was my favorite verse seems as if you put alot of your feelings into it and i could tell you ment it your girl must mean a lot to you cuz if she seen this i bet she would love it if she already hasn't but you got some tight flows hella multis i gotta give you an 8/10 but noones perfect but i thought that was close but return the favor and check out my at 16 piece thought that it was the best one i wrote yet but anyways nice drop 1 love

Nice drop fams, mushy stuff, meh.

Flow was good, and i'd say out of the 6 or so pieces I replied to today, this was the best. It was very deep, very emotional and very real. Structure doesnt matter aslong as it flows and has a drawn concept. I can't critic this piece the same as I would the norm. OM because you wrote it to your girl from your heart and the same rules dont seem to apply. Though I will say this, the I and U thing is corny, I had some gay guy say it to me at work so maybe im just allergic to that line or something, lol. Keep it up bro, nice drop. Thanks for the multiple feeds on my pieces the past week. I'll hit up some more later.

Peace.

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Blow It - Topical