Hey this is my first Drop on here so be honest and tell me what i need to improve on...PAYCE...


You're like the flame on my candle,
without it im weak.
As Frost said "Take The Road Less Traveled",
Im going with you on that road of Love.

Do i A)Love You?
Or B)Love You Alot?
Whenever i see you my eyes get watery and hot.

Im going to love you like 2pac "Until The End Of Time"
But our love is too strong to be explained in a rhyme.
Whenever i say "hi" it seems like ure gonna die,
I rather get shot in the gut, then see my one and only cry.

Our Love...
Forever...
You and Me...
It's Always Gonna Be...

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Uppin for thoughts on this piece...I'll be back here at like 4:00 pacific time to check it out...until then...tell me what i need to improve on...thx

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Alright, I'll try to go through it with u. First off, you can't really say how someone should write something, because its their own personal stuff, so u dropped what u felt u needed to. Second, Maybe you should write a until your hand stops, put down things you might not think of but it comes out. And don't worry about what someone might say, put out ya own shit, as long as it works for you.


Stay Up

in deep respect you need to work on yo flow mo...i mean you need to keep at it and allow yourself to express your inner most thoughts and don't stop till you've drained it out of you to make it more elaborate and lead the readers to feel for what your talking about...holla at some of my shyt and get at me wit your comments