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Old 05-11-03, 08:07 PM   #1
K-RaZy
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The Hard Way Out

IP: C1DA C961

His wrist bled, inside his head.
He cant do anything but imagine dead.
he wishes to see the light at the end of tunnel.
His life is closing inword like a funnel.
When He see's Old faded pictures of his dad.
He imagines a life that could have been, but never had.
A hole remains in him self, where his soal shood be.
people wont look inside, they only judge what they see.
Finally actions take over his head.
Hes tired of talking, enough has been said.
he turns off his lights, just dim enough to see.
as he slowly dies he watches him self bleed.


lol, i got issues, but...

Did that need to be in poerty?
(i wasnt shure)
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Old 05-11-03, 08:38 PM   #2
Bloomquist
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ok krazy heres the break down.

vocab:weak...ure using plain words, mix it up and put soem new words in.
Flow:decent, pretty good but try and use some multis it would make it really tite

Overall: 7/10 (Decent)

keep spittin and check out my stuff

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Old 05-11-03, 10:09 PM   #3
Bash
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Vocab was weak ...............no wordplay..........try to use some multies ,,,,,,,,,,,, this drop was Aight
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Old 05-13-03, 09:39 PM   #4
I.TWriter
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just put it like this the shit was wack
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