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Old 10-23-04, 10:48 PM   #1
BlackMagik
Banned: Cheating
 
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Posts: 235
From: STL
After All That...

IP:

another one of those hate you/love you kinda love songs...feel this...

..relax-and-listen, tell me why you're actin-different..
..my back-is-bendin', and I'm about to crack-from-tension..
..we're past-this-friendship, why you gotta play-with-my-mind..
..ungrateful-and-I'm, about to turn my back-and-end-this..
..but before this crap-gets-twisted, there's one thing-you-should-know..
..That you treated me like NOTHING, and still I'd treat-you-like-gold..
..You were the queen-of-my-throne, and I didn't wanna let-you-leave..
..but you did more than put me through hell, you put hell-through-me..
..everynight I fell-to-knees, asking why you weren't respectin'-me..
..wishin-you'd'stop, so-my-heart could finally rest-in-peace..
..tell-the-devil-to-quit-testin-me, and just let-me-be..
..but I know if I hurt you, baby my body wouldn't let-me-breathe..
..my eyes won't let-me-see, this pen wouldn't let-me-speak..
..now I finally realize, just how much you meant-to-me..
..my-everything, I know that we were meant-to-be..
..lets end-this-grief, no more beef, just friends-to-keep..
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Old 10-23-04, 10:56 PM   #2
Killuminatic
Middle Weight
 
Posts: 453
From: The moon
IP:

All was good, till about half way through, and then this line just killed

but you did more than put me through hell, you put hell-through-me..

I really liked it man, everything was in place. Decent shit keep it up.
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Old 10-23-04, 11:33 PM   #3
AutoMATIK™
... focus
 
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Posts: 1,438
From: Chapter 4
IP:

Hmmm ...

You dont need all the Periods all over the place, it makes people not wanna read yo shit. Just keep it simple and leave all the designs out.

I was feeling the rhyme sceme ... some parts seemed a little forced just to get it to rhyme perfectly like you was.

Other than that,decent message ... ok piece
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Old 10-24-04, 04:40 AM   #4
BlackMagik
Banned: Cheating
 
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From: STL
IP:

thanx for the honesty yall...I really appreciate it...uppin for more feed...
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Old 10-24-04, 05:01 AM   #5
zDarknesS
New to RV
 
Posts: 74
IP:

lol it was good but then it got killed doing that blah-blah-blah-blah-blah stuff to long.....

id rate dis shit 7/10
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Old 10-24-04, 05:06 AM   #6
Implicit
-BTR-
 
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IP:

yeah it was good. good multies. woulda like to see it extended a little longer but it was good............
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Old 10-24-04, 11:54 AM   #7
BlackMagik
Banned: Cheating
 
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Posts: 235
From: STL
IP:

thanx yall...thinkin bout writing 2 more verses and making it a song...I'll be sure to take out all the periods and not over do it with the 'blah-blah' kinda shit...again thanx for the feed yall...uppin
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Old 10-24-04, 04:24 PM   #8
BlackMagik
Banned: Cheating
 
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From: STL
IP:

uppin this shit...QUIT SLEEPIN YALL!!!!!!! shit...
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Old 10-25-04, 04:42 PM   #9
BlackMagik
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From: STL
IP:

uppin for more feed...
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Old 10-25-04, 04:46 PM   #10
Loveliss Grandz
***cITYSLICka***
 
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Posts: 521
From: BrOOklyN,N.Y.
IP:

it was a good piece.little tiring towards the end but a good piece.finish the song.i'll be waitin' to read it.stay up.
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Old 10-25-04, 04:46 PM   #11
BkBrawla
Get Cooked Hoe
 
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Posts: 118
IP:

Aight Dis Was An Good Piece Here Nice Multi'z Good Flow

Nice Rhyme Scheme But Either Way Dis An Good Piece Keep It Up Aight

Put An Feedback In My Open Mic

The Death Night P.2

Plz I'll Preciate Tha Feedback

Da Link Its In Da Sig Mayne
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Old 10-25-04, 08:02 PM   #12
BlackMagik
Banned: Cheating
 
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Posts: 235
From: STL
IP:

thanx yall...this feed is really appreciated...keep it comin...will return the favor...uppin...1
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Old 11-01-04, 09:25 AM   #13
EastCoast
...Jea...
 
Posts: 173
IP:

It was tight mayne, and it seemed like everything was in the right spot, but i gotta agree wit everybody else that that 'blah-blah' stuff did get tiring.
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