Legend
So many fucking dreams and not one of them came true
I see no peace, and hell to me seems like a rendezvous
Pretty good opener. 8/10 Good flow, emotion to begin the piece.

Heaven may be a dream but my faith will always remain
I’m going to keep trying and my loving will always sustain
Okay, decent. 7.5/10. Going to the heaven/hell thing here. I want more.

The Devil is playing around with my only happy viewings
Sometimes people tend to forget that even I got feelings
Viewings and feelings doesn't rhyme... 7/10. I'm not feeling it, really.

I asked for a solitary path and yet god had give me two
I had no occasion at all. Once I saw I just had to choose
Okay, pretty good. 7.5/10

To make it to heaven you’re going to go through hell
Obstacles won’t be ignored even though I’m compelled
Better. 8/10.

Like everyone else, before I learned to walk I had to crawl
But every single day I feel like I’m only getting up to fall
Good emotion. Two lines comingle well. 8/10

I can’t see my path what is going to be lighting the sky
Hate is all I see & people never cared when love passed by
Sky and by are basic rhymes. Don't really understand the first line. 7/10


Average: 7.5
Info: Keep on keepin' on. Could've been better. Some of it didn't rhyme, didn't know if it was intentional. Overall, a decent add-on to the collab. Looking forward to seeing more of your works. Simple rhyming...good, no one likes words that shoot over the audience's head. The flow was also very good, though it started to decline a bit in places.

Atticus
The World Frail As Hail Storms Form, A Girls Fetus Impaled
By Needles Of Evil, America Bleed Us! It Seems Unjust In Scale.
...Okay. That was...strange. But cool. 8/10. I feel a little American hate going on here.

Another Pregnant, Loving Mother Shuving Mother's Pressures Letting
A Stressing Belly Nothing But Her Mothers Lectures Setting
You repeated 'mother' twice in the first line. 7.5

Swelling On Anxiety's Long Awaited Dwelling... "Thanks Baby.
THANKS FOR THIS SHIT! I WAS SEEN AS A SAINT!, Maybe
O_O; Okay. Good, but still a little strange. I don't know where this is going. 8/10

If I Kill It Before Morning Or Even Leave It It Will Be Plain
Dismissed From A Christian Mistake This Damned Play Erased."
Plain and erased doesn't really rhyme. Still, good bar. 7.5/10

So Abortion By Force Once More Tried, Now Ordanance
For ARich Daughter Who Asumes Shits Out Of Her Cordinants.
Heh. A spoiled brat? I'd kill a child like that. 8/10

Peer Pressure... Dont Let The Pressure Veer Self Choice
Cuz You Never Know What Never Was More Then Choice.
Self and then doesn't make it a multi, so you just repeated choice. 6.5/10

And This Is Our Community, Lucy Smith Gone Off The Deep End
And Conformed... Aborts Her Child While All The While Her Breath Still Weakend.
End and weakened doesn't really sound right to rhyme. Still, okay bar. 7.5/10

Average: 7.5
Info: This may actually be more like an 8/10 put together. 7.5 with individual lines rating given an average. Good drop.

The Revelation

What do I want to change? I want to change the pregnant teen looking for an option,
To make her go through with the birth and put the child up for adoption.
Okay. Good opener. 8/10

For the young one having to go through a painful operation,
And to the athlete who is missing meals to prove to his coach he has dedication.
Okay...good piece. Nothing really stands out. 7.5/10

To the young man throwing himself to a girl and landing on his face,
I want to change how he thinks he has to act in order to get a date.
Pretty basic rhyming, but not too basic. The way I like it. Good bar. 8/10

I want to change the way people fight to resolve problems like animals,
To the ones out there eating each other and planting fear into others like Hannibal.
The whole 'I want to change' thing is getting a bit old. Good bar, once more, though. 8/10

I want to change the priest who abuses his power and hurts little boys,
Only a matter of time until girls become part of the authorities toys.
True...good bar. Expressed well. 8/10

I want to change teachers who don’t care and leave their students out to dry,
I want to change how bullies feel the need to pick on others to hide how inside they die.
'I want to change'...this sounds like a Martin L. King speech, but okay. Showing what's fucked up in the world, straight. 8/10

I want to change the reputations of the south and the north and peace to this land,
I want to change how people disrespect and destroy beaches by filling it with fake sand.
Don't we all. 8/10

But mostly I want to change my industry that is losing its values,
Veering away from lyrics and becoming about bling, swearing, rides and shoes.
Ooh...here you go. Nice. 8/10

If I never go down in history I want at least one thing to be said,
For me, it was never about the bling, chicks, or anything that deals with that.
Said + that = no rhyme. Still, okay. 7.5

It was only about living life and saying how I saw it, no matter how corrupt it seemed,
But then this is all what I want to do, and to make reality you must first wake from a dream.
Good closer. I felt this piece. 8/10

Average: 7.9
Info: A lot of 8/10s. I never really give high-ratings, so this is better then the average shows. I liked the expression, though the 'I want to change' got a bit repetetive and on my nerves. Some people like that, though. Best piece of this collab.


OVERALL: 7.6 average. Still, it was better then a 7.6 [ like I say, I never really give high-ratings a lot ]. I liked this collab a lot. Revelation's seemed to be the best. Flow was great, a lot of verses not complicated. Simplicity can be best.



http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=193520 Return the favor. [Took me a long time to friggin' do this review. ]