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08-30-04, 04:30 PM | #1 | ||||||
Banned: Biting
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A Modern Jesus
IP: 3FCF 03A9
A Modern Jesus
Pavement pounding at my feet, the grip of hate pounding at my chest Shadows cast no light that surrounds me, I've been taken down like the rest I struggle down this street, torn down buildings crawl across my eyes Dress in these shreds, and dirt, I cannot cover up wit disguise I bear all, watch me, scream obscenities as I pass But sins are forgiven, so your taunts cannot last Oak coffins sit in the middle of my journey Blood trickles down off my thoughts, the same thoughts that scare me Crucify my battered body, but wear my crucifix I will die for you, struggling as I take the licks you dish 2 men lay before me, I am viewed at their status So as I take my place with thieves and murderers, and lie down in my casket You can bury me as deep as you want, I will still ascend Sacrificing for you, in a place called Heaven. |
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08-30-04, 07:23 PM | #2 | ||||||
Banned: Biting
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IP: 3FCF 03A9
some feedback would be much appreciated thank you....
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08-31-04, 06:18 PM | #3 | |||||
<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 28AD 5545
nice piece, very difficult to capture jesus' thoughts and feelings for obvious reasons, but deep enough to consider that we are all one and feel all, nice portrayal though and imagery in the scenes you described, good job on this..........1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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08-31-04, 11:41 PM | #4 | |||||||
Banned: Cheating
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IP: 1FE7 4C2D
Nice, def feeling that dawg, that is REAL..thats what I'm talkin about...
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09-01-04, 12:02 AM | #5 | ||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 4934 7AE9
this one wasnt as good as your other one, but still not bad
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09-01-04, 12:07 AM | #6 | ||||||
Banned: Biting
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IP: 3FCF 03A9
thanx for all the feed fellas
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09-02-04, 03:47 PM | #7 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: F694 DF56
I like the imagery but sometimes I get a little sensitive about jesus comparisions, like jay-z and the whole jay-hovah (jehovah) thing. But I'm intersetd in you explaining to me what this poem is about and why you wrote it. So holla back at me.
Selah(think about it) Check my poem "higher" in the open mic sec. It's dated 8/9/04. And check the explanation behind my signature "Most Intellects Do Not Believe In God". It's in the Lyricist Lounge and it's dated 9/2/04
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Politics and politrix are the same thing because the whole point of the political process is to trick us into giving a particular candidate our favor. So why do people feel so clever when they use the word politrix? |
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09-02-04, 08:16 PM | #8 | ||||
$Thug Life$
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IP: 7113 B39E
um i was feelin yo poem man...
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OutLawz
*(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
«´¨`·..* G_$peed *..·´¨`» *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)* _____________________
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