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Old 09-01-04, 03:16 PM   #1
Mentalz
The Topical Juggernaut
 
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Text Record: 6-3
Torn Apart (topical)

IP: F35B 7D25

Vows, God’s Cement ta’ Humanity…
War, The neva’ Ending Struggle of Sanity
This Man…He was Caught up in both, but Actually…
Just down the Road he’d be Tripped up in Tragedy…
Newly Weds, Fresh Love…It’s Mostly In Truth
…but, Sometimes You Get some False in it Too.

**Holding a Picture of She**
“I neva’ Thought it would come down ta’ this…
Truthfully, I always thought Id be Bound ta’ this…
…I gotta go Though, Love, I’ll be back when I can
When you were Cold… I’d Gently start Rubbin’ ya’ Hands
Don’t Forget what we have… I think it’s all I’ll Remember
We’re bound ta’ Eachotha’ like Metallic Cells to a Sinner…”

Off in the Jungles… Wars Heat Hot Like a Kettle
Explosions so Potent it’s hard not ta’ get Shredded by Metal
He fought day an’ night… Barely Able to Go On
Her 2x2 the only thing Helpin’ him Stay Strong
He wrote Off an On; it Always Varied in Phrases…
He’d Write about Battle, or tell Her of the So many Faces
Places… he wished he was Someplace else altogether
Till one night he was wounded… Dieing ...He wrote his last Letter:

**Raining**
Dear Love’ here comes my last letta’…
It seems to me this fuckin’ War will neva’ let up…
**Bomb Flashes – Gun Shots**
In case I neva’ told ya’, I love ya’, don’t let this news bring ya Pain
Before I met you I was just a Dusty Crop…you brought the Rain
Inside your Soul I’ll Remain, I await--

**Shouting**
Wounded and Hurt with Sharp Shards in his Stomach…
He hear’s his Troops Cries just up Over the Summit
The Line Wont Hold, it looks like all is Lost…
Slowly he puts in his Mind why he Fought, To what Cost
As Death Breaks Loose and Topples over in Herds
He realized his Love’ will neva’ hear his last Words
‘Could Care Less about his Life…this Moment…what he could See
All he wanted was ta’ share Eternity with his Meant-to-be…

Meanwhile he’s being Showered in Sparks
…Slowly The Grim Reaper Appears in the Dark
Delirious, he Begins ta’ Mumble in Starts
“…I often Wonder who it was that said War was Art…
I bet he neva’ had his fuckin’ Heart Torn Apart…”
.
.

News Finally Reached Her but she never even Summoned a Preacher
Excited and Jumping she could barely Manage her Features
Men all around, they follow her everywhere like Glue
Always talking about how they wanted some of the pay-off she Grew
…See, He was Rich and went to War for his Country
She Married him Solely Because he had Money…

Alone with Herself…She Slowly Slid off her Ring
Clutched it in Hand and Tossed it Down in the Sink
She had waited to long, She was Just Born in a Park...
And So Silently, She Murmured
.
.

“Finally…Torn Apart”
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Last edited by Mentalz : 09-24-04 at 12:38 PM.
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Old 09-02-04, 06:09 PM   #2
Mentalz
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Uppin'
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Old 09-02-04, 07:43 PM   #3
Enygma
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Tight.....all I can say, TIGHT!!!!

Shit had me mad at the end though.....lol
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Old 09-02-04, 08:04 PM   #4
G_$peed
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one word DOPE...
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Old 09-04-04, 03:25 AM   #5
Mentalz
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Thanks for the Feedback Uppin'.
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Old 09-18-04, 01:11 AM   #6
Mentalz
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Damn stop sleepin on my baby
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Old 09-18-04, 11:36 PM   #7
Eclipsik
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dang that sucks a girl could be so coldhearted and emotionless...wow, this was like a movie or something...it was like being in the cinema...really nice...
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Old 09-18-04, 11:45 PM   #8
fluidmoon
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wow, very lovely setup and flow in this, it made me kinda sad tho, it sucks,that bitch damn,,lol, this was a dope drop tho, i liked the thopic a lot, it was different, and a pleasure to read, keep it up
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Old 09-18-04, 11:54 PM   #9
Mentalz
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Haha, ya whata' bitch huh. Thanks for the feedback, leave some links or whatever, i'll check out some of your drops. Peace.
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Old 09-23-04, 06:29 PM   #10
Mentalz
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uppin last time, lookin' for a bit more feedback.
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Old 09-23-04, 06:46 PM   #11
Kawn Flixx
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wow mayn
shit was movie like

I liked it alot

whats da diff between poems and open mics?

lol

o well

can you check mine too?

I only got one crit
and it was from a crew member


peace
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Old 09-28-05, 07:05 PM   #12
Mentalz
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Old drop, but i'm lookin' to do more poetry soon, so i'd appreciate any feedback... thanks! (I WILL return all feeds)
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