RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > The Cage > Battle Archives > Elevated Front Lines Battles
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

View Poll Results: Who won this battle?
iLL as a killers grill® 5 71.43%
¤ÐÅž¤ 2 28.57%
Voters: 7. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 06-09-05, 03:38 AM   #16
Ysdat
Whys That?
 
Posts: 2,007
Joined: Sep 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 11-0
Audio Record: 2-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
This was feedback posted for ¤ÐÅž¤

IP: 5285 DC82

wow!!!

for a 10 line topical this is strong,its filled with great concepts and good usage of words,I like the way you twisted shit around.....the end is played to be the beggining.
 
Old 06-09-05, 04:42 AM   #17
Implicit
-BTR-
 
Posts: 2,653
Joined: Jul 2004
Status: Offline
This was feedback posted for ¤ÐÅž¤

IP: 2029 97B3

this was a good battle......

..both had some good lines and concepts...

.........i liked kids closing line about our death bed being our beginning but daz had a good closer too.....

........damn cant vote im in TC but good job to both of you...
 
Old 06-09-05, 07:42 AM   #18
La Cosa Nostra
Bangs like bikini attol
 
La Cosa Nostra's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,147,484,064
Joined: Aug 1986
From: Gaza Strip
Status: Offline
Text Record: 54-0
Audio Record: 5-0
Graphics Record: 1-0
IP: B90D 1588

Quote:
Originally Posted by ¤ÐÅž¤
werd, i guess the difference is i dont write my text for
audio.. but i guess your right i do stretch text at times...
.


You should ALWAYS write text with your audio style for topicals.. That rm style of bar setup for punchlines in text is makes topicals look really herbish.. And I a lot of people would realise that on sites with better heads..
__________________
RIP jono, peace out bboy.
Pardon Canada Criminal Record Pardons Services Toronto
Send a message via MSN to La Cosa Nostra  
Old 06-09-05, 10:11 AM   #19
E.C
Evolution
 
E.C's Avatar
 
Posts: 5,168
Joined: Jan 2005
From: u.k
Status: Offline
Text Record: 26-7
Audio Record: 3-5
Graphics Record: 7-1
IP: 0DD2 7DAA

Voted For: ¤ÐÅž¤

this was a close and decent battle people... i didn't realise daz did topicals lol...

daz:

this was a dope piece of writing you had good emotion vocab was dope multies were dope flow and structure were all good fam... nothing wrong wit your verse what so ever... here is a couple lines i felt that stood out from the rest:

Biased upon ways, we were only singular in decay…. Till religion was made,
The decision was laid, the last man standing a-cross, was to pay for our trade,
^^ deep lol this was dope, talking bout jesus good job

nos:

ight man your verse was dope also if u started your verse how it finished i believe you would'av won it... the only thing i didn't like in your verse was the opener i wasn't feeling it at all... other than that your emotion was real good multies were there and your vocab was decent... like i said if the first line was better you wouldav got this, flow and structure was also on point throughout this peice, here is a line i think stood out from the rest:

I believe that the light rays, help us understand the immortal..
The next level, we might stay, or only dip our hands in this portal..
^^ this was dope i was picturing this whikle i was reading it lol... real good man

v/ daz for staying consistant going deeper into the topic and staying in there wit more emotion...

hope this vote is ok i never usually vote on topicals lol pz and no hate
__________________



..Open Mics..
 
Old 06-09-05, 10:48 AM   #20
Mad Dog
...Belong...
 
Mad Dog's Avatar
 
Posts: 8,635
Joined: Apr 2004
From: Crawley, England
Status: Offline
Text Record: 57-16
Audio Record: 8-3
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: B1A5 868C

Voted For: iLL as a killers grill®

¤ÐÅž¤ verse

In The Beginning

In the beginning there were 9 wonders like an inning…smirking and grinning,
Thou the earth wasn’t winning… man would cause symmetry with its sinning,
^ To be honest...you tried too hard to rhyme...the symmetry thing i can't see the relevance to

Biased upon ways, we were only singular in decay…. Till religion was made,
The decision was laid, the last man standing a-cross, was to pay for our trade,
^ Better a lot of rhymes...but in this instance it was good...but topic is effected by the directness in rhymes

Now if we stand with science, its facts and belief now traveling in an alliance,
Try to compromise both like mien’s …, but mines(minds)are still in defiance,
^ miens?...either a typo but is that a word?....prolly sposed to be means...a topic for now...yes but a topic for the beginning...not really...

Ive tried to walk the line of a purest, but it sure is, tough to see where the turn is,
So I list n listen to where the cure is, but the truth seems to be the furthest …
^ rhyme rhyme rhyme...but it's off point...they are good bars but i can't see the connection with the topic itself

Thoughts are left doubting… while rights; are at best now joisting for sinning…
Decades of thinking. ”the end”, now move on n make this your new beginning..
^ i'm gonna say good bar...but the only one that was on topic
.
¤ÐÅž¤

Nostradamus Verse

In the beginning.

The aftermath slowly smokes my focus..
Who am I?, whered I come from?
& Did humans transform like hokus pokus?
^ Good opener layout a bit mmm...but the opener is on topic

Cause this worlds a circus's packed of un-perfect persons..
You sayin adam and eve? I'm defining our worthless purpose..
^ Adam & Eve = relevant and the connection is ok good bar

See being humans a transition stage, to be on the right page..
From flesh and bones, to being set free from a time cage..
^ good bar i liked the whole transition thing

I believe that the light rays, help us understand the immortal..
The next level, we might stay, or only dip our hands in this portal..
^ the next level...resembles a new beginning ok bar liking

Wake up, you been sleeping meat head..
See we aint knee deep in the dead, our real forms aint born yet..
^ best bit of the verse

So would it surprise you,
To hear a humans beginning was on their death bed..

Ask yourself..
^ Nicely finished...*thinking lol*

Overall
Interesting battle...topically...and this is my view point...Nos was more on point from start to finish...Daz no hate man but honestly there was only 1 bar on point of this whole topic...the rest to me made me think you were speaking about NOW and not the beginning...your styles weakness is that you will go off topic if you're not careful...if anything i advise for topicals you dumb down the multies coz IMO it didn't help...

Nos not the best i seen but definitely more on point...the topic was well handled slipped on 1 bar IMO but overall handled it better...

V/Nos...RTF within 4 days (as Prem ain't dropped & due tomorrow) or vote removed
__________________


Quote:
Originally Posted by High Dro
furthermore, june 3rd is the only good day to be born

^ Amen Brother ^

Quote:
Originally Posted by ∆ P E X X
i'm still tryin to figure out how bein born in another country makes somebody fake.

R.I.P OMB

Send a message via AIM to Mad Dog Send a message via MSN to Mad Dog  
Old 06-09-05, 10:58 AM   #21
Cocaine
Blow Me
 
Cocaine's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,367
Joined: Jun 2004
From: 412
Status: Offline
Text Record: 31-5
IP: 963B DD50

Voted For: ¤ÐÅž¤

WOW, this was a really good battle for as short as it was.. i was feeling Daz' more because he left me with more information and a bit more reading to keep my interest... i gotta say the Imagery and Emotion were all soo close.. The Flow was about even because Daz had multi's... i really dont know how to rate this cause i could honestly give it a tie.. i think i gotta give it to daz tho just for more enjoyment reading his piece.. it was very close tho.. so no hate..

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation.
__________________
My Lines Are ILL yo
 
Old 06-09-05, 12:00 PM   #22
Recluse
Just Another DipSet
 
Recluse's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,806
Joined: May 2004
From: Boggie Down Bronx
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
IP: 9CB2 0FC1

Voted For: iLL as a killers grill®

Well Dis Was Overall The Close-est Topical Battle I've Ever Voted On.....Daze You Came With A More Of "Whats Gonna Happen" Theory...and overall You Key Was Good But i Don't Think It Stood Close To Nos....Nos Yours Was More Real-listic All About The Transforimg Thing It Really Like Made You Look To See The Next Lines...Overall I Think Nos Took Dis....No Hard Feelings To Any....And i Guess Theres Always Room For Improvment.....~1~
__________________
The Legacy
Its Only Getting Better



 
Old 06-09-05, 02:22 PM   #23
Compose
 
Posts: 1,382
Joined: Jul 2004
From: Bronx, NY
Status: Offline
IP: D5FE 7245

Voted For: iLL as a killers grill®

This was actually a good, close battle in my opinion...both came great.

Reason i chose Nos was mainly cuz of the way he took the topic...i felt it was a lot more unique. Daz's verse felt more of the normal way you would go for a topic like "in the beginning" where he said In the beginning there were 9 wonders like an inning smirking and grinning,...it sounds redundent throughout the verse it feels like just boring...it has no flavor to it, the vocabulary gave it some but it just didnt feel right...
I liked the way Nos took it because it was just different then what i would expect...the words he chose and like what he was saying it wasnt boring...it was dope and the ending was better in my opinion...in daz's verse it felt like ive heard his ending before and it just wasnt a twist...almost predictable

overall both did good but i vote Nos cuz it felt more original and more intriguing to read

good luck
peace
__________________
The Council
Most Recent Funniest Line
"I dont go to malls cuz i dont like shoppin
I cant buy clothes when the manikins are watchin" -Canibus
 
Old 06-09-05, 02:59 PM   #24
¤ÐÅž¤
leave you rest'n pz's
 
¤ÐÅž¤'s Avatar
 
Posts: 4,321
Joined: Sep 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 22-7
IP: 2F8C EBE2

werd, see nos...2 more votes n no rematch..lol
fucka battle, i hope you win, i couldnt be bothered
doing topical.........4-3...lol,
closest battle youve had in a while i bet..im right huh.?
__________________
i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts
what the fuck, was you high..?
did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made
then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...!
.
.
fake fucks..move on...!
 
Old 06-09-05, 07:27 PM   #25
TeamOne
FuxJustAWord
 
Posts: 7,092
Joined: Aug 2004
From: Chitown
Status: Offline
IP: 3B27 2020

Voted For: ¤ÐÅž¤

ppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepaggggggggg ggeeeeeeeeee

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation.
__________________

...The real Renegade before Hova...
 
Old 06-10-05, 06:55 AM   #26
Terumoto
I have a lot to learn...
 
Terumoto's Avatar
 
Posts: 9,740
Joined: Mar 2004
From: Life.
Status: Offline
Text Record: 44-10
IP: 3374 00C5

Voted For: iLL as a killers grill®

aight i didnt quite get daz's ... ima have to go through it lines by line..

In the beginning there were 9 wonders like an inning…smirking and grinning,
Thou the earth wasn’t winning… man would cause symmetry with its sinning,
^^^inning... is that cricket talk?.. ... so the 9 wonders were happy, but the earth was shit, and then man would cause balance by sinning? eh??
Biased upon ways, we were only singular in decay…. Till religion was made,
The decision was laid, the last man standing a-cross, was to pay for our trade,
^^^we wer only decaying one by one until religion came? what? The second line is fragmented, but i think i get it.
Now if we stand with science, its facts and belief now traveling in an alliance,
Try to compromise both like mien’s …, but mines(minds)are still in defiance,
^^^First line I get sort of. But wtf @ the second line.. it doesnt make sense with the first line. and what is a mien?
Ive tried to walk the line of a purest, but it sure is, tough to see where the turn is,
So I list n listen to where the cure is, but the truth seems to be the furthest …
^^^first line was nice (if you meant purist and not purest), second line rhymes seemed slightly forced.
Thoughts are left doubting… while rights; are at best now joisting for sinning…
Decades of thinking. ”the end”, now move on n make this your new beginning..
^ ok................ wtf?


hmmm... it was OK I guess. But it didnt make a whole lot of sense. I thought about it in every way possible and was sort of able to put a vague meaning to it, but still.. wtf. It was full of malapropisms. The vocab was nice, but the way you used it wasnt. It seemed kind of like you were just trying to sound spiritual and curious by using big words and confusing voters. Flow was alright, but shit seemed kind of like you thought of rhymes AND THEN thought of the lines... so it turned out forced.

The whole plot/theme of it was unclear, but what I got out of it was that there was a pure beginning, which was destroyed by man.... which is a pretty general/common/boring outlook that you would see from a topic like "in the beginning".. ya know?

Nos: Flowed more like a track and less like text. Plot/theme was better than daz's I thought. That life is meaningless and the REAL beginning comes when we end. vocab was used better than daz's. Dunno what else to say...

Basically I thought nos took this because his verse made more sense and didnt seem as forced... plus his shit was more original... and thats truth.

Daz, you've got it all except diction. Improve ya diction and it'll improve ya verses.
__________________
 
Old 06-10-05, 06:59 AM   #27
Terumoto
I have a lot to learn...
 
Terumoto's Avatar
 
Posts: 9,740
Joined: Mar 2004
From: Life.
Status: Offline
Text Record: 44-10
IP: 3374 00C5

Quote:
Originally Posted by E.C
Voted For: ¤ÐÅž¤

this was a dope piece of writing you had good emotion vocab was dope multies were dope flow and structure were all good fam...


baahhh I hate it when people say that and there was no multis?!?! GO learn what a multi is.... grrr.. .................................................. .................
__________________
 
Old 06-10-05, 11:16 AM   #28
Acuity
Rastafari Walk Tall
 
Acuity's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,527
Joined: Aug 2004
From: East London, (Hackney)
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 15-9
IP: 2F6B 7F7F

Voted For: iLL as a killers grill®

Vote: Nostradamus

Daz: you approache dthe topic from well a typical angle there was no originality, your verse is solid to a degree, but there is a lot of half-rhymes in this, i.e stuff that rhymes but not all the way if u feel me, vocab was cool, id say you needed mre creativity and more to challengethe reader

Nos: I like the way you structured this, was diffeent initially i thought u had exceeded line limit, the dots at the end of every line got annoyin, vocab was used well and effectively, i liked your topic approach, about well basically a person became at what most regard as the end of thier life...dopeness...shit had me thinking on the real

Vote-Nos
__________________

"His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings of Ethiopia and Elect of God"

Blog

Graphic Designer, Illustrator, Web Designer

 
 


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:26 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.