RapVerse.com Community - Stranded in the middle of the ocean

06-15-05, 09:40 AM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

Stranded in the middle of the ocean

IP: BAFF 8850

This a topical verse against BQ....But she no showed...it's all goodie good

Diary page 1.....

I can feel the blood dripping on my back with the pain similar to a bee
My body Shivers. My lips are chap, vibrating so quivery. Tears leak
Getting a head-ache, The images of the hits....The yelling vocals
I hear in my ear. Trying to understand why I ran. Still to me its a riddle
My feet hurts from pounding on the brown soil, that our hands made
My heart beating crazy like an over dose patient, while the sun blaze
above me. But my heart is deep cut by the puncture wounds
..Because I left the others behind thee, Hopefully i will see them soon
With the agony pain on my back as I lay back on the chair
I looked up in the ceiling, with a smile on my face
...............As i smell the ocean air

Diary page 6

My Fingers are prune, my expression showing confusion
Don’t know where I'm heading, but this is my fate that's been given
The taste of the salt water stays in my tongue, I'm so dehydrated
Feeling so weak, 4 days without food. *groans* my stomach is knitted
My lips are filled with "stains" vomit, it tasted awful when I swallow it
I'm desperately trying to stay alive, cause I even swallow my own spits
As I write in my diary, the darkness around me, is similar to my Life
The Opposite of light is creeping slowly making it's way above me, in the sky
I led out a "sigh", As I my head movements goes to left from right
Under my voice I led out a whimper sound, stars look upon me as I cry

Wind Rushing against me, I can feel the force from it taking me backwards
Rain pouring, coursing down my body. The Tough wind is more like a blizzard
Feeling so paranoid, Broke down on my knee's the pain in my ribs and my back
Arms around my waist, I can feel my bones. I scream hopefully someone can hear that
As the boat moves so uncontrollably, I feel so befuddled. "Please god. Help me"
In my mind, the saying "Every prayer has an hard obstacle" but I'm here dieing
My eyes starts to close, I'm feeling so woozy, then i felt my lungs....cutting out
Tears starts to run through my pupil as i heard my heart beating. it’s burning out
Put my knee's close to my chest and started breathing in "I'm going crazy"
Thinking if i suck the air out of gods creation then I'll live.....
....My theory was wrong As I'm lurking in the shadow of darkness phase

*News Reporter*

The Coast Guard found this boat in the middle of the ocean, with 1 dead guy in it, We believe he's from Cuba, Were still abuse and hatred are being committed. There was a Paper in his hand...that said "I just wanted freedom, why it got’s to be so far away?".

Yupper'z please leavizzle feedizzle...

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:

ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

06-15-05, 09:46 AM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: BAFF 8850

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=194944
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=191769

Bump this up..........

06-15-05, 11:07 AM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: BAFF 8850

.................................................. .

06-15-05, 12:13 PM

MADDRAPPER

Middle Weight

Posts: 1,550

Joined: Jun 2004

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Text Record: 0-2

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IP: CF74 5D3A

Look I panic while on the Titanic no nice words
To say about icebergs folks with coats on board absurd
Words can’t explain some nerds were lame icebergs
Rip junk so the ship sunk shit was happen the Captain was rapping
The loud music would be proud to use but couldn’t listen wreck scrapping
The speakers, became a master sinner after dinner disaster entered
The vessel not clear and pleasing face fear squeezing the rails splintered
On the deck a strong wreck facing us and erasing stuff
As we knew it try run couldn’t do it all amazing enough

06-15-05, 12:13 PM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: BAFF 8850

^^ Can you please stop>?..........................Uppin...........

06-15-05, 12:19 PM

Castro...

QU3 M! D3$T!NO 3$ M! UN!CO 3N3M!GO

Posts: 3,735

Joined: Feb 2004

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Text Record: 13-4

Audio Record: 2-2

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IP: 00A2 4ED0

So much imagary *cries*...lol....on the real liked ya multies imagery ya stayed on topic ya whole verse was so good I would want to read it twice and thats good cuz I dont like to read you're intro made me one to read more and it felt like it was ghettiin more intresting by the more it went on ya closure was nice I liked the thing about the "cuban" guy(*cries, why did it have to be cuban) lol j/k

You're verse was good very good exellent, marolous, etc

GOOD TOPICAL

06-15-05, 12:27 PM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: BAFF 8850

^^ Thanx for the feed hon........................Bumpity Bump to the topity........

06-15-05, 02:07 PM

{Propain}

Middle Weight

Posts: 364

Joined: Jun 2005

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Text Record: 3-4

IP: D92C 0475

This was tight. The best category of this piece had to be the imagery and good number of multis you had...This was raw.

I can feel the blood dripping on my back with the pain similar to a bee
My body Shivers. My lips are chap, vibrating so quivery. Tears leak

Wow, this was really nice right here. It had everything, nice imagery and shit. I was really feeling the emotion right here. This also interested me in the piece so I wanted to read on. Good way to open this.

Well, good overall piece and keep it coming.

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06-15-05, 02:30 PM

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: BAFF 8850

Thanx Uppin............................................. ....

06-15-05, 06:50 PM

#10

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: BAFF 8850

Bump this up..........................................

06-15-05, 07:07 PM

#11

P.R.E.P.

Banned: Cheating

Posts: 55

Joined: Jun 2005

From: QUINCY

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IP: 0825 899A

hmmmmmmm........this was very good, written very well...can't really complain about anything...this was a solid drop u had good multis kept the emotion intact through out the whole passage....nice multi's i good rhyming complexity....nothing basic....everything above average......id say.....8/10 nice drop keep progressin.....keep written RTF on my whack o/m's MIKE JACKSON DISS later

06-16-05, 03:14 AM

#12

MADDRAPPER

Middle Weight

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IP: CF74 5D3A

hey son you may have the big head but this shit will never sell no rapper can use this piece of poetry and someone said some stupid shit about you having multis you don't have multis at all just a dull piece of poetry right here this show just how whack these cats is on this site right here

06-16-05, 07:19 AM

#13

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: 3D1C 2DD7

^^ Please Leave............................................. ...Uppin.

06-16-05, 07:39 AM

#14

E.C

Evolution

Posts: 5,168

Joined: Jan 2005

From: u.k

Status: Offline

Text Record: 26-7

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IP: 0DD2 7DAA

this was a dope piece fam... nice imagination and dope vocab... str8 fiya you wouldav owned BQ wit this topical easy too bad she didn't drop but any wayz nice drop fam keep droppin em pz

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06-16-05, 05:26 PM

#15

Dervla

Poet's Daughter.

Posts: 360

Joined: May 2005

Status: Offline

IP: 0ED6 300A

Thanx E.C. Uppin for more feedback.......................

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