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09-10-05, 02:10 PM | #1 | ||||
Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
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C.S. collab will appear and Mentalz
IP: 735C 7BDD
[Mentalz]
… As I sit with my blood-flow tapped an’ spent Half content ta’ leave the past trapped in cement I search the plots as a means ta’ purge my thoughts Cursed and clogged as my brains reversed w/ shots … So I search… I delve Until I tire and quit… … I inquire… I hound Then I expire and sit… … It occurred to me about the tenth splash of Crown Exactly where my life went an’ crashed and Drown Stashed with frowns, I tend ta’ peel back the facts Half intact, but they never really resembled that… …I’m old... I’m young Now behold the Sun… …I’ve tried… I’m meek And now I'm Obsolete… [Willa] Greeted with smiles after a long while our task has been completed We competed they retreated obsolete but the images never deleted victory an addiction eviction from the only love we've ever known crucifixion I'm a victim my home entered half grown i linger liek a drone … So I search… I delve Until I tire and quit… … I inquire… I hound Then I expire and sit… As I grow older I realize, I lost the war in a sense Enemy still lives in my head, only defeated to an extent Lungs deflated Brain vacated ... ... sunny and I can't see the light I'm Obsolete ive been left to cry all alone in the night: …I’m old... I’m young Now behold the Sun… …I’ve tried… I’m meek And now I'm Obsolete… All feedback will be returned. Drop a link.
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O.Y.D. |
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09-10-05, 03:12 PM | #2 | |||||
The Paragraph President
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IP: 2372 BC06
Mentals
damn man i love your style, them multiples were very good and broguth creativty to your flow and imagery, it really upps a lot of things if you can do it right and you did, you didnt use so much vocabulary all you did was a lil bit mixed with multiples nice mix man, props for the good drop, nice lil hook shit too Willa You better stick to topicals or i'll bum bang you anyway on the first part of your verse you coulda used the {,} but i already explain that on aim. for the 2nd half i think it was a lot better, the line were shorter which gave better flow and stucutre, and you didnt use so much vocab, nice choices of words, but dont get me wrong vocab is nice to have, sometimes its nice to have lots, but really that depends on a topic kinda, same with how emcee's choose they're beats, anyway good job both of ya 1
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09-10-05, 03:31 PM | #3 | ||||
Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
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IP: 3508 3A5F
thanks i returned the feed
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O.Y.D. |
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09-10-05, 11:34 PM | #4 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: D35B 3F85
Thanks for the feedback, ill be sure to hit up your threads. peace.
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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09-14-05, 09:50 AM | #5 | ||||
Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
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IP: 106F 0C5E
uppppppppp i will leave feedback on all of your peices i see
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O.Y.D. |
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09-14-05, 12:29 PM | #6 | |||
1926
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IP: 28AD 5545
Dope Shit You Two
... Way To Rep C.S. To The Fullest. Mentz, I've Never Even Seen You Spit Before But I Like Your Style ... Very Unique And It Flowed Great. You Had Modest Sized Lines Too ... Unlike The Fucking Paragraph Lines Alot Of The Site Uses. Willa, Nice Job ... Just Work On Using More Multies And Chopping Your Lines A Bit, Because Your Content Is Real Nice ... We've Just Gotta Get Your Actual Rhyming To That Same Level. Nice Shit Though, Both Of You. |
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09-15-05, 03:42 AM | #7 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 6148 6E09
i actally liked reading this peice, it was....interesting,
willa, i have to agree with atticus on this, you lines need to be chopped down just alil bit and use of workin on multis, wont hurt either...but over all it was a good drop.. Mentalz, nice work bro, and your multis were good, you kept it together and it was a nice drop. but anywho, this was some good work keep it up
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Urban Expression ayo...we need ppl come and check it out Can You Do Us A Favour And Vote (2)Ikaros vs Aitz(0) I Will RTF |
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09-15-05, 09:50 AM | #8 | ||||
Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
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IP: C5F9 47E5
ok thanks uppin
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O.Y.D. |
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09-15-05, 08:08 PM | #9 | |||||||
Under Oath
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IP: 4540 25A9
So amanda does it again, Just let me say i could sing this just by reading it"
I can say i really felt the flow, on both behalves.... Willa, somtimes your simplicity is what makes that ish dope.... Your flow and stucture where key, vocab was alright i diden't see too many meta's tho (gotta love them metas) Mentalz thumbs up man i just wanted to let you know my favorite line was " As I sit with my blood-flow tapped an’ spent Half content ta’ leave the past trapped in cement" You really spit some fire with that..... Props to both of you ! 1 |
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09-19-05, 01:53 AM | #10 | |||||
The Topical Juggernaut
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IP: D35B 3F85
Thanks for the feed fams, it's appreciated.
To everyone else, I plan on droppin' feeds on all your new works, however I don't have much time on-line right now, about 5 minutes each login, but you wont go unnoticed.
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Blow It - Topical -=Respect List=-
Crhyme Sindicate The unexamined life is not worth living.
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09-19-05, 03:40 AM | #11 | ||||||
Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
hell muther fucking yeah!
CS dropped solid on this. Both verses are nice. Damn.CS holding it down like crazy. |
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09-19-05, 03:53 AM | #12 | ||||||
Maggot
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IP: CF74 5D3A
my verse ive me some feed(http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=209041)
dang this was hot its actually my style but you into something deeper but yeah multi's are easy for me, but you got to give guys like me a chance don't go getting so deep with the multi's but nice piece don't see any weaknesses Last edited by shaft 26 : 09-19-05 at 08:32 AM. |
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09-19-05, 06:19 AM | #13 | |||
1926
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IP: 0825 899A
^^^, ?
*Scratches Head* Um, Oh Ya ... Go Read My Piece "Rainy Days" ft. Makaveli Trained MMMUAH!, Thanks, Love Ya Willa |
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09-19-05, 10:14 PM | #14 | ||||
Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
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IP: 4453 3712
uppin this and atty suck a fatty
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O.Y.D. |
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09-19-05, 10:26 PM | #15 | ||||
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
Closed no links..pm me two links if you wish to have this re-opened
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The Competition
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