I tried my hand at a love song, and also tried to tell a story bout me and this shorty I used to be with and all...

Verse 1
I got a love, I also got a problem within' and/
All I can do is keep my feelings bottled and hidden/
It began when we was kids, then now it's much diff'rent/
I know you'll hear this, but I hope that you listen/
Once I wanted to tell my feelings, but before expression/
I asked a question, if we could be more than friends, and/
You replied yes then, I got to caressin'/
Your soft skin, while you was up in my ear confessin'/
The way I make you feel and the smile on your face/
That I place, hearts beatin' faster than a horse race/
In that embrace, can't replace your vivrant touch/
First time I called you beautiful your eyes lit up/
It was in your car, by the park when it was just gettin' dark/
Other folks was in they house, then our tounges was in our mouths/
I enjoyed your company far beyond the kissin'/
But when I wanted to say those 3 words difficulty had risen/
You said you don't want no relationship at all/
Unfortunately, that means no relationship with Paul/
As I recall, you was in Jamacia when I falled/
For you, to others love is what it may be called/

Still workin' on a chorus and another verse, but I'm uppin' for feedback.

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=138941
Vote on this and I'll return the favor.

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damn...nice shit homie. It touched me...lol....anywayz...7/10 nice work and keep droppin dawg! By the way, if you get a chance, peep my newest open mic "Why Do I Do It" thanx dawg ~1~

Thanks bro. Yo peeps I'm still uppin' for feedback on this, so don't be shy.

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Come on folks, hit me with some opinions!

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Still uppin' for feedback, don't be shy y'all

Drop an honest vote. Gimme a link and I'll return the favor.
http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=139283

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=138941

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=138907

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nice spit, i was feelin it...keep it up

Thanks, still uppin' for feedback, hit me up people.

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nice drop peep me n emergin's newest drop....holla back n oh..
im white,black,cherokee indian,german n much more ayt?plus black irish

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j'adore its tight i like the rhyme scheme , its really good , i'm a rocker by nature and my honest opinion is i coudl use that in some of my song i'ght peace out

good mane...keep up tha good work